


Liminal Space

by caseyptah



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 14:17:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 33,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15293346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caseyptah/pseuds/caseyptah
Summary: Voyager makes an emergency landing on a Class M planet, and the crew is evacuated to the surface.  Will circumstances bring Lieutenants Torres and Paris closer than ever, or drive them further apart?limen, -inis, n.The point at which one passes into (or emerges from) something, an entrance, approach, opening, etc. (Oxford Latin Dictionary)





	1. PROLOGUE

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is All Paris/Torres All The Time. All other characters and relationships exist only as a means to further the P/T storyline. 
> 
> This is an AU, diverging from canon in the middle of Season Three.  
> Did that cute P/T scene from The Swarm happen? Yes!  
> Does the Doctor have his mobile emitter now? Yes!  
> Did Blood Fever happen yet? No! And now it never will because this is an AU! 
> 
>  
> 
> Special thanks to my friend Amanda for reading this before I posted. This isn't her fandom, but she is married to a pilot. Also thank you to my husband for supporting all my weird hobbies. And thanks to my kids, who only interrupted my flow approximately 1,810 times while I was writing this.

B’Elanna stood at the engineering console on the bridge of Voyager, gripping it tightly with both hands.  It would have made more sense to sit, to brace for impact, but she was too unsettled. She watched Tom Paris at the helm, deftly working the controls, carefully attempting to bring the ship to the surface of the planet below.

She felt mildly nauseous.  A side effect of several stressful hours, the fucked up environmental controls and life support, or the inertial dampeners failing.  She stole a glance at Harry back at Ops. He looked like he wanted to vomit too. 

“Easy as she goes, Tom,” said Janeway from her command chair, serious but calm.  

Tom didn’t respond, focused as he was on his unenviable task, landing Voyager without sensors, or any navigational data.  His eyes were glued to the viewscreen, never glancing at the helm control under his fingers. The ship jolted, first to the port, then to the starboard.  B’Elanna saw Janeway raise an eyebrow, but the bridge remained absolutely silent. 

B’Elanna felt a deep feeling of dread rising in her.  It was her job to keep this ship going, to maintain the systems.  She kept the engines running, Janeway gave the commands, and Tom pointed the ship in the right direction.  That was how it worked, and she had always felt a secret pride knowing that her job was the most important one.  Without a functional ship, there was no commander, no pilot, no science being done, no exploration. 

_ Well this situation just proves that point.  _

She closed her eyes, willing herself to not vomit, as she felt the ship roll again.

 

***

 

It had started only twenty-four hours ago.  Voyager had come across a huge nebula of unknown origin and unknown composition, arching into space as far as they could scan in all directions.  After pausing for half a day to study it, they had continued on their way, right through the middle of it. Scans showed that while it was unusual and thus far unclassified, there was nothing particularly noteworthy or exciting about it other than its size.  It had taken only a half hour to exit out the other side and continue on their way. B’Elanna hadn’t even been aware of the nebula at all, having been deeply involved in the much-needed overhaul of the anodyne relay system. During her lunch break that same day, she had been treated to a ten minute eloquent description by Harry Kim and Tom Paris of the multi-colored nebula as it passed on the viewscreen, until the conversation had been steered back to what appeared to be a blossoming romance between Seth Baytart and Megan Delaney.  

Three hours later, B’Elanna discovered several key systems beginning to fail.  The Doctor shut down, vanished in the middle of treating Tabor’s headache. Lights flickered on all decks, and died, one by one.  Tactical control was lost. Tractor beams and shields. Almost every system on the ship crawling slowly toward failure. 

It was an engineer’s nightmare, and she was living it.

Finally, several hours in, with all crewmen carrying supplemental oxygen kits just in case life support suddenly failed completely (an inevitability at this point), B’Elanna observed that all the components that were breaking down contained thermium.  Any part of an individual system that did not contain thermium was fine, still functional. It seemed likely that something about that nebula had compromised the thermium in their systems.

Thermium, a mineral she had never given much thought, but which was ubiquitous in most of Voyager’s systems.  Pulling replacement parts that contained thermium out of storage didn’t help, the nebula had affected those components too.  But newly-replicated parts did work. They simply did not have the energy reserves, or the replicator capacity, to create all the parts needed to keep the ship running.  

Things had been desperate then.  Life support was spotty, probaby hours from failing. Warp engines long since dead, only a few of the impulse engines were still functional.  Sensors were offline, but an earlier scan of the space around them had revealed the fortuitous presence of an M Class planet not far away.

That had been a terrible senior staff meeting.

“Tom, what do you need to get Voyager to that planet?” Janeway asked, turning to Tom Paris.  

“How many systems can I have?” Tom said, turning then to B’Elanna.

“Not much,” she answered.  “We’re going to have to let environmental control die for the time being, and at this point we’re only going to fix life support on the bridge and Deck 11, so the crew will have to get cozy for a couple hours.  So…” she was quickly calculating in her head, visualizing the systems, counting components. The problem was that although thermium was integral in so many systems on Federation starships, she had never before cared which components contained thermium and which ones didn’t.  “I don’t know… maybe semi-functionality on a couple more systems? What do you want? Navigation and helm control? Forward sensors? I assume more impulse engines?”

“What about the viewscreen?” he asked.

“That’s a fairly straightforward system, we can get that up and running pretty easily.”

“If you can give me helm control, a little impulse power, and the viewscreen, I can get us down safely.” 

“No sensors or navigation? You sure, Tom?” Harry asked, frowning from across the table at his friend.

“Yes,” Tom said, simply.  He was usually so full of bravado and hubris, but today he was simply confident in himself and his piloting abilities.  B’Elanna would have rolled her eyes if the situation hadn’t been so tense. She was convinced that Tom believed he could fly anything, anywhere, in any situation.  The truly annoying part was that he was probably correct. He was a great pilot. If anyone could get Voyager down in one piece right now it would be him. 

“We’ll have to send a team down to manually deploy the landing struts, Captain,” Harry reminded Janeway.  

She nodded.

“Make it happen,” Janeway said.  “Dismissed.” 

  
  


***

 

B’Elanna hoped Tom’s confidence was justified.  She continued to grip the the engineering console, stomach and ship turning, but in opposite directions.  Every eye on the bridge was focused on the viewscreen, and the planet below seemed to be coming up at them very, very fast.  The viewscreen was absolutely not meant to be used for navigation like this, but here Tom was, flying metaphorically blind without functional navigation systems.  B’Elanna willed her own eyes to focus on Tom instead of the menace of the viewscreen.

B’Elanna’s mind had no trouble, even in this tense situation, wandering back to its favorite subject of late: Tom Paris.  This had been a problem ever since he had suggested they go sailing on Lake Como. She had been flattered, certainly. Tom was considered a bit of a catch, among both sexes, on Voyager.  His interest in her, to which she had been oblivious previously, was cute, she had to admit. She had turned down his offer of sailing on Lake Como because, well, the other option was to actually go sailing with him on Lake Como and that just seemed ridiculous.  But now it was as if a switch had been flipped in her brain. 

She had never considered Tom for a romantic partner, at least not seriously.  Oh, her calculations about him had certainly changed since arriving on Voyager.  He went from Maquis traitor to misogynistic pig to pretentious pilot, and finally to valued colleague, excellent pilot, and even friend.  Those original estimations had been discarded. 

Now she continually mulled the possibility of his becoming more than just a friend.  A lover, perhaps? A fling? A partner? What? She couldn’t decide which was more laughable, yet she also could not get her mind to discard the idea.  

Her train of thought stopped abruptly as the ship heaved starboard, heavily. Instead of instantly righting itself, Voyager stayed that way, leaning.  Her mind found its footing back in the real world and she knew: something was wrong.

“Tom!” against her better judgement she dashed to the helm, quickly scanning the few active readouts as she grabbed the console to stabilize herself.  “You’re losing thrusters on starboard, you can try to compensate by shunting power off the port side…” He didn’t respond, didn’t even look at her, his eyes set on the viewscreen and his fingers moving continually over the console in front of him.  

B’Elanna still gripped the helm console, looking back to meet Janeway’s eyes.  Janeway looked questioningly at her, but B’Elanna had no response to make. She turned back to the helm readouts, reminding herself, desperately, not to vomit.  As the landscape of the planet came into focus, and the descent slowed, she finally felt the ship righting itself, gracefully, as it came down. 

“Brace for impact!” They were the first words Tom had spoken since this process began ten minutes ago.  She wished she had stayed at the engineering console. Still gripping the helm, she threw herself to the floor, on her knees, and put her head low.  She closed her eyes tightly, not daring to breathe.

There was an upward jolt and then… nothing.  Nothing. She opened her eyes to the grey carpet below her, then turned her head to see Tom Paris grinning at her.  Someone started clapping on the bridge, and the rest of the senior officers burst into applause.

“And that, gentlemen, is how it’s done,” Janeway said, rising from her chair.  “Excellent work, Lieutenant Paris. You’ve saved everyone on this ship. Now,” she called out to all the officers assembled, “Let’s begin evacuation procedures onto the planet surface.  Chakotay, you’re with me…”

B’Elanna was still crouched on her knees next to the helm, in shock that they were already safely on the ground.  Tom stood up as well, holding his hand out to B’Elanna. She stared at him for a few moments, and then accepted his hand.  He helped her stand. 

“Engineers always think they can feel systems failing,” he said to her.  “The starboard thrusters were fine; I was compensating for the wind shear I suspected was coming off those mountains into this valley.  You know they have wind on M class planets, right?” He gave her his annoying trademark grin. 

Irritation, awe, and desire knit themselves together in her chest, as she watched Tom walk away.  


	2. DAY ONE

Voyager was uninhabitable.  Without environmental controls, without lights or even functional mechanisms for opening and closing doors, there was no air movement, no temperature regulation.  With life support only functioning on two decks, even parked safely on this M class planet, air would quickly grow stale. The ship that Tom had so deftly set down on the ground was now an inoperable chunk of metal.  They did not have enough thermium reserves to fix, well, to fix anything else at this point. 

The ship would be abandoned.  They would set up a temporary encampment nearby.  They had identified, as well as they could, a hospitable-looking area in a valley, next to a river, and Tom had put them down in exactly the right place.  

Earlier that day, when it had become clear how dire the situation was, and just how little thermium they had for repairs, it had been an easy calculation that the thermium components for two things must be fixed before they could land - the emergency solar generators, and some replicators.  The solar generators would power the replicators, and in theory they could start producing more thermium parts and begin fixing Voyager. B’Elanna had assigned Lieutenant Carey and his team to ensure they had three functioning solar generators, and at least one functioning replicator before they abandoned ship.  Tuvok had already begun preparations for the erection of emergency shelters and supplies. The transition from ship to shore would be smooth. In theory. 

The bridge crew all donned their emergency oxygen supply kits, and began the long climb down the Jeffries tubes and tunnels, to Deck 15, making their way to the exit ramp to the planet’s surface.  The doors to the small cargo area that functioned as the egress were already open, letting in fresh air and a slightly coppery, red-tinted sunlight. Evacuation procedures were well underway.

The crew was taking emergency supplies with them as they exited, like a line of ants.  Tuvok, who had been stationed down here during landing procedures, was overseeing the process.  

“Lieutenant Torres,” Tuvok addressed her, as he handed her a plate section for an emergency shelter,  “I believe Lieutenant Carey is already working to install the solar generators.” She followed the crowd down the ramp and out into the bright, red-tinted sunlight, happy to finally shed her emergency oxygen kit.  When was the last time she had felt sun on her cheeks? She couldn’t remember. 

The emergency shelters were to be located about a kilometer from Voyager, in a protected cul-de-sac of the valley, quite close to but not directly on the winding river.  Voyager would be accessible, but not looming. B’Elanna immediately made note of the potential for hydroelectricity. Of course, if the current weather was any indication, there was going to be more than enough solar energy available to them for their stay here… however long that was going to be.

She deposited the shelter plate she had been carrying in the growing pile, but instead of heading back to Voyager for more, as most of the crew were doing, she trotted over to where Carey was already assembling the solar generator.

“Looks like this is going smoothly,” she noted.

“Yes, ma’am,” responded Carey.

“You keep working on that one, and I’ll get started on one of the others,” she said, digging into the toolkit that lay open beside her colleague.

The red daylight passed quickly in this way, B’Elanna and Carey working together on the generators.  More of the engineering staff slowly made their way over, Nicoletti and Vorik quickly taking on the wiring processes, and others lending a hand.  Harry checked in at one point and noted he was about to start up the replicators. Several ensigns from the science section brought water around at regular intervals.  Every time B’Elanna lifted her eyes she saw new sections of shelters going up behind her. As of now, undifferentiated. She supposed she would be sleeping in one of those tonight.  

The sun was hot, but the air cool.  She found that as long as she focused on the work at hand, and didn’t think about the long term repairs, she was in good spirits.  She finished her work on the solar generator, checked that it was functioning, and then left to see if the rest of the system was up and running.  

She located Harry still working at the replicator station in the large structure that was to serve as the mess hall.  

“You need a hand with that?” she asked.

“No, it’s just about up and running.  I got pulled into kitchen duty,” he gestured to the other side of the shelter where Neelix was directing several crewmen in arrangement of his kitchen supplies.  “Neelix needed his stovetop set up, and the refrigeration unit. It seems to all be working now.”

“Is that refrigeration unit hooked up to the solar supply?” she narrowed her eyes.

“I’m afraid so,” Harry said.  “The Captain agreed with Neelix that we need some sort of refrigeration or else the crew won’t be fed.”

B’Elanna shook her head.  That would mean less energy to be converted by the replicators into thermium components.  It was bad enough Janeway had already given the order to wire up the electrical lights into the bunkhouses.  B’Elanna still hadn’t calculated the time and energy needs for replacing all the thermium parts on Voyager, and she was dreading the task.  She knew the number would not be good, and this added strain to their small power supply was not going to help. 

“Fine,” she said.  “Any issues with the power supply so far?”

“None at all,” he reported.

“Okay,” she paused, watching the tables and chairs being brought in.  She wasn’t sure what to do next. Or even how to locate Janeway or Chakotay for instructions.  Communicators used thermium too and were offline. It occurred to her that they needn’t even be wearing them anymore.

What had she been doing a day ago?   There were no functioning chronometers nearby, and she was not entirely sure what time of day it would be on Voyager right now.  Had she been having breakfast? Neelix was serving something vaguely omelet-like that day. 

“B’Elanna?” 

It was Harry.

“Sorry, lost in thought there for a second.  Good work here. Send someone to find me if you need help.  I’m going to go check on the rest of my team.”

She wandered through the encampment.  How little time it had taken for this valley to go from “area” to “encampment” in her head.  How long until it reached village or city status? She didn’t want to think about that, hoped it never would.  She came upon some of her team finishing the wiring in one of the shelters, now a bunkhouse. After almost 24 hours of constant systems failures and trying to keep enough life support going just to keep the crew alive, it was nice to see something working properly again.  Carey had already finished the third generator and was helping to wire the other bunkhouse. The officers and crew without engineering ability or inclination had been assigned the more laborious tasks of assembling the shelter walls, screwing together bunks, and fitting doors into their places.  A long line of crewmen were still unloading supplies from Voyager. Her people were completing wiring. She wandered through each building in turn, checking the work of her staff, helping to address problems, and re-assigning people as needed. Just like a normal day in Engineering. 

There were five major emergency structures being built, the first was the large Mess Hall.  Next to that was a large workspace, already being referred to as the Work House, with Janeway’s ready room at the rear, and “office” space for the rest of the senior staff and work space for everyone else who needed it.  The Sickbay would be in this building too, and Kes was already busily arranging that space. When B’Elanna poked her head in she saw the Doctor’s non-functional holoemitter lovingly placed on a high shelf. She made a mental note to move that near the top of the priority list.  

Across from those two shelters were three large shelters serving as bunkhouses.  The bunkhouses followed the general emergency survival guidelines from Starfleet, bunks provided for up to fifty people in a large, open living space in the front of the building.  At the back were shared bathrooms, changing areas, and sonic showers. The sonic showers and bathrooms required some replacement thermium components, and had not yet been refitted, but B’Elanna’s staff was installing them for now.  A decision would have to be made about the timeline for getting those functioning. As far as B’Elanna was concerned, everyone could bathe in the river. She needed those thermium parts for Voyager, not for keeping backs clean.

Satisfied that everything was progressing properly, she wandered up the hill, looking for Chakotay or Janeway.

“Hey, Lieutenant!  You here to help or what?”

She turned, just in time to see a shovel coming at her.  She stepped back, allowing it to land on the ground in front of her.

Tom Paris was climbing out of a hole in the ground, about hip deep.  He had stripped down to his undershirt. Despite the cool air, sweat poured off of him, and his hair looked wet.  B’Elanna had to force herself not to stare at his arms. The Starfleet-issued undershirts were surprisingly attractive on the male body, and seeing Tom in his just made her hungry to see more.  

“You would think after exhibiting such fine piloting skills only a few hours ago, that I would get assigned the choicest assignments, but no.  I think this is a practical joke, Vulcan style.”

“What ARE you doing?” B’Elanna asked, finally bending to pick up the standard Starfleet shovel at her feet.  

“What does it look like? Latrine duty.  Actually I’m in charge of this project. Only the best for the best pilot, right?” What was it about his voice that made it seem like he was winking after each sentence?

“Latrine duty,” she crossed her arms, smirking at him.  “That sounds perfect for you.”

“So you going to help or what?” he jumped back into the pit.

B’Elanna noticed only a few crewmen assigned to this area, and things didn’t look promising.  Chell was sitting on the low dirt wall, chatting with the ensign next to him, a science officer who didn’t seem to have taken Starfleet physical fitness standards very seriously.  Yes, this was definitely Tuvok’s idea of a practical joke. 

“Scared to get a little dirty, Lieutenant?” That was Tom again, raising his eyebrows this time.  She narrowed her eyes at him, but already knew she was going to take the bait.

“I can help for a little bit.”

“Great,” he said.  B’Elanna slid into the pit, immediately regretting how dusty she was going to be.

 

***

 

B’Elanna had ended up digging with Tom for almost two hours.  It was hot, sweaty work, the hardest physical labor she had done in ages.  Chell disappeared to get water and never came back, but B’Elanna and Tom kept digging.  Eventually B’Elanna stripped down to her undershirt, and then Tom’s undershirt came off completely.  B’Elanna struggled to avert her eyes from his chest and upper arms, and was thankful for the physical labor to help focus her mind on… well, anything else.  Please, any other topic. 

The latrine houses began to be assembled above the portions of the pits that were already done, and she ended up moving above ground to direct the work while Tom finished up the last of the digging alone.  

“Lieutenants,” a voice came from a few yards away.  It was Chakotay, carrying a basket of… foodstuffs? “Do you know about the gathering tonight?”

“No,” B’Elanna shook her head.

“When the sun begins to touch that mountain,” Chakotay motioned to the incline behind them, “everyone is gathering in what we’re calling town square, between the bunkhouses.”

“When the sun touches the mountain,” snorted Tom.  “Sounds like some real Indian stuff.”

“You know we don’t have functioning chronometers, Tom,” B’Elanna said, somewhat testily.  Tom seemed hurt that his joke hadn’t gone over well. Chakotay just grinned.

“Spread the word, will you?  See you then,” he continued on his way.

The latrines were almost finished by the time the sun began to set.  Tom had spent the last hour of latrine assembly work laying in the shade behind the latrines and drinking water.  B’Elanna thought it was probably a well-earned rest, and made no comment. The small group of them at the latrines began walking together back to the center of the encampment.  It occurred to B’Elanna only then how far of a walk the latrines were from the bunkhouses. How was that going to work for everyone at night? She remembered camping as a child, being terrified to go out in the dark alone.

The “town square” was filling with tired, dirty people.  B’Elanna spotted Janeway across the way, and made her way toward the Captain.  Tom trailed behind her, finally replacing his undershirt. 

“Tom, B’Elanna,” Janeway greeted them.  She looked tired and dirty too. “I’m going to make a few announcements and then the senior staff will be convening directly after that.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Tom answered.  They stood together in silence for a few moments, the senior officers all together, everyone exhausted.  Finally, Neelix came out with a chair from the new mess hall, and Janeway stood on it.

“Good evening, everyone.”

A few murmurs in response.

“I know this is a highly unusual situation.  I want to thank you all for the incredible effort you’ve put in today.  It’s amazing what 148 people can accomplish in just 36 hours.” She paused.  “I know that our situation has changed drastically and swiftly. I know many of you are wondering if we are stuck on this planet forever.  The answer to that question is no. I have every ounce of faith that this crew will find a way to repair Voyager, and get us back on track to Earth.  It may take weeks, or it may take months. But I ask that each of you carefully and patiently keep hope alive through this trial.” She paused. “Many of you have asked me about ongoing assignments, and there are many questions, I know, regarding how this is all going to work.  Let me assure you, we have some things we have figured out, and some we don’t. What we don’t know yet, we will figure out soon. So again, please have patience. For now, I know that there is a hot dinner and water waiting for you in the mess hall,” she motioned behind her. “Bunk assignments have been made; Kes will be at a table in the mess hall during dinner, and you can get your bunk assignment from her.  A fresh uniform and a hygiene kit has been laid out on your bunk, and are for you to keep. For now, all crewmen should keep within our settled area, unless assigned otherwise. If you have any questions, any suggestions, any issue you need resolved, please bring it to your commanding officer.” Another pause. “Again, thank you for all your hard work today, please go eat and get a good night of rest!”

 

***

 

The senior officer meeting was held outside, behind the mess hall.  Even Tuvok seemed slightly frayed. There was so much to discuss. When would sonic showers be up and running (that depended on if they wanted to spend their limited energy reserves on showers), how long until Voyager would fly again (they needed more data from the solar generators before that could be determined), when would the Doctor would be back online (B’Elanna wasn’t sure on that either).  Nearly every question was an engineering question that required an engineering answer, and B’Elanna had no answers. The past day of systems failures, quick fixes, limping to this planet and setting down, had completely drained her body and her brain.

Janeway recognized that her senior officers were staggering to the finish line, and called the meeting to a close.  Breakfast would be served at first light tomorrow, and she declared they would all meet at breakfast. 

B’Elanna went directly into the mess hall.  Too exhausted to feel her hunger, she went to see Kes immediately.

“You’re in C, that last bunkhouse by the latrines.  Row 3, that’s Bed 23. Can you remember that? It’s posted on PADDs at the entrance of each bunkhouse too...” Kes said.

“Yeah, thanks, I have it,” B’Elanna said.  She must be looking even more tired than she realized.

“The Captain didn’t want to segregate all the officers in one bunkhouse, so you’re spread out.  Two senior officers in each one,” Kes explained.

“Okay,” B’Elanna said, not really comprehending why Kes needed to explain that to her.  She walked out of the mess hall, across the square, and made her way into Bunkhouse C. 

Three rows of about eight bunk beds each spread out in front of her, with a small row of windows running the length and width of the bunk room.  The beds were made, and fresh uniforms and standard Starfleet pajamas and the hygiene kits laid out on each bed. Each bunk was numbered. What had Kes said? Row 3? Bed 23?  She made her way through the rows, and was gratified to find hers was the second to last bunk, and the bottom bunk, in the far back corner. Without changing or even thinking, she pushed the clothing and hygiene kit to the side and fell into the bed, dirt, dust and all.  

She could see Nicoletti in another row, a few bunks away, and she recognized Chell back in the opposite corner.  It occurred to her just how little privacy they were all going to have during this little interlude (was it an interlude?) on this planet.  She had just begun to wonder who the other officer was who had been assigned to Bunkhouse C, when she spotted Tom Paris making his way toward her back corner. 

_ Oh no. _

“Row 3? Bed 25?”

“Um, I think right there,” she didn’t sit up as she pointed to the bottom bunk directly across from her.  He checked the number, and sat down on his bunk.

“Great.  Did you hear about Harry?  He’s assigned to Bunkhouse A, with Janeway!  Can you imagine having to bed down next to your captain?  No fun and games in that bunkhouse. And of course that means B has Chakotay and Tuvok, I think we all know how that’s going to go.  But this is totally going to be the fun bunkhouse, with us as camp counselors.”

“Camp what?” she almost didn’t ask.  How did he have so much energy left for talking?

“Camp counselors.  Did you not do sleepaway camp?”

She barely managed to shake her head.  He continued to chatter away, until he disappeared to change.  Ensign Baytart appeared, and took the bunk above her.

The last thing she saw, as she drifted off to sleep in her dirty uniform, was Tom Paris, a vision in Stafleet-issued pajamas, climbing into bed across from her.  Her brain was too tired to attempt to reconcile the unwelcome complication of his very welcome presence. 


	3. DAY TWO

She didn’t even realize she had been asleep.  She woke up suddenly, heart pounding, fists ready.  

“Whoa! Whoa!” Tom Paris took a step back.  “I didn’t mean to startle you. The sun is coming up; we have a senior officers meeting to get to.”  She blinked. 

“Fine.  Sorry. Thanks for waking me.”

“No problem; I thought you might want some time to clean up.”

He was already in a fresh uniform, brushing his teeth with the sonic toothbrush from the hygiene kit.  It all seemed so… intimate.

“Yeah, okay, thanks.”

The sun was already bright red, and the other inhabitants of Bunkhouse C were starting to stir by the time she got herself dressed and “cleaned up” and out the door.  She was already overwhelmed by the number of decisions that needed to be made that day. Her first stop was the Work House, to grab some PADDs from the pile that had been dropped on in her workspace.  She then headed to the solar generators, located behind the Mess Hall. She knelt down to check the readouts, and, still kneeling, started entering numbers into the PADD in her hand. She was grateful the PADDs didn’t use thermium.

She input the numbers from the solar generators, found the numbers she needed regarding the components of Voyager that used thermium.  She ran the program. No, that couldn’t be right. She checked all her numbers, ran the program again. No. She must have misentered the numbers on the solar generators.  She slid to sit on the ground, in the shade of the solar generator, and reviewed her work again. There was nothing to correct. Everything was accurate. 

She looked up at the hills surrounding the valley, gazed at Voyager just a kilometer downstream.  A deep, physical sense of failure overcame her, and she put her head down in her hands. 

“Hey, you feeling okay?”

It was Harry, jogging up the hill to her.  

She looked at him.  Two years ago she would have thrown the PADD violently in his direction.  She almost did today. 

“Thirty-six years,” she said.  Harry looked at her quizzically.

“Check my work, but it’s all correct.  It will take thirty-six years to produce enough thermium with the replicators we have in order to replace all the thermium components on Voyager.  And that’s if we do without lights, refrigerators, and sonic showers while we are here.” Harry raised his eyebrows, looking terrified, and took the PADD from her hand.  

 

***

 

There was so much to do.  The senior officers could meet for days and still not have come up with answers to all the questions.

Harry confirmed B’Elanna’s calculations.  Even if the replicator in the Mess Hall was used only for thermium component production (which was impossible), it would take thirty-six years to replace every part on Voyager that had thermium in it.  Harry and B’Elanna worked through it together during the meeting, deciding that if only integral systems were required, like the impulse drives and environmental controls and life support, they could be off this planet in as few as five years.  But this assumed that all the crew would be fine bunking down together in the mess hall back on Voyager, and that shields and weapons and replicators were optional. They also determined that if they pulled all the replicators out of Voyager, replaced their thermium components and got them up and running, and built additional solar generators, they could produce thermium components at a much faster rate.  In that five year time frame, they could have life support on several decks, maybe shields working too, if they beefed up their “thermium farm.”

Two days ago, it had been a normal day on Voyager, and here they were now facing at least five years of camping on this unexplored planet.  

The conversation went around and around as the officers debated the merits of different plans.  B’Elanna could see Janeway doing her own internal calculations. The Mess Hall was filling around them now, and the crew was taking care to give the senior officers space for their meeting, but B’Elanna could see curious eyes and ears pointed in their direction.  

“We need to change the equation,” Janeway finally spoke.  

Everyone stopped, looked at her.  

“What we have here, this will not work,” she continued, “I will not accept that we will be on this planet for five years or more.  Certainly not thirty-six.” She stood. B’Elanna noticed more curious eyes and ears pointed in her direction.

“Harry,” Janeway continued, “if I am recalling correctly, thermium is one of the more plentiful natural resources in the known universe?”

“It’s a system by system thing,” Harry answered.  “It’s plentiful in several systems, like Earth and Vulcan.  But nonexistent, for instance, near the Klingon homeworld. But there could in fact be thermium to be mined somewhere in this system, or perhaps even on this planet.”  Harry’s face brightened considerably. “We never got a chance to do any real scanning of this planet; there could very well be thermium here, or at least on the next system over.”

“Okay, then, we have three tasks ahead of us that I can see.  The first, is to attend to the comforts of the crew here on this planet.  Even if we won’t be here for three years, we are certainly going to be here more than a week, and probably several months.  Agreed?” They all nodded.

“We need functional sonic showers, water filtration,” Janeway continued, “We need to begin planting the seeds from our supply, and cultivating them.  Food, water, shelter, and a little culture and entertainment would probably go a long way toward better crew morale.”

“I agree, Captain,” said Chakotay.  

“The second task is to find a source of thermium, whether on this planet or a nearby planet in the system.  I believe the best way to do this is to use what thermium supplies we can replicate to get a shuttlecraft up and running.”

B’Elanna started.  Why hadn’t she thought of that?

“We can use one shuttlecraft to scan the surface of this planet, maybe even locate other natural resources we need, and head out into neighboring systems if we need to.  B’Elanna, how long do you think it will take to get a shuttlecraft spaceworthy?”

B’Elanna’s fingers moved across the PADD as she brought up new schematics and input new data.  

“I think I could have one shuttlecraft up and running in about… one month.  That’s assuming we don’t use our energy for anything else, which seems unlikely in these circumstances.”

“Make it your top priority,” Janeway said.  She went on to hand out assignments and priorities to the rest of the senior officers.  

“And please remember,” Janeway continued, “this is an unusual situation.  I expect everyone, from senior officers to janitorial crewmen, to pitch in when needed.  Chakotay and Tuvok will be handing out general assignments in the settlement, but if extra help is needed, I want to see my senior officers being the first to pitch in, whether it’s because B’Elanna needs a hand with inertial dampeners in the shuttle, or if an ensign needs a hand getting the latrines cleaned.”

B’Elanna left the meeting feeling much better about the future.  They could find a source of thermium. They would. Voyager would fly again.  


	4. DAY FOUR

“Shit,” B’Elanna muttered to herself.  She was sitting in the cubicle that now counted as her office, tucked into one side of the Work House.  It was early, early morning. She had been hoping to get a head start on the shuttlecraft this morning, but a pile of PADDs left on her desk by Joe Carey contained many issues that needed addressing, and she had been sitting for over an hour, trying to come up with solutions. 

“What was that?”

B’Elanna looked up at Chakotay, approaching her desk space.

“Just trying to make some sense of this mess,” she answered, clearing a spot at the desk so he could sit.  

“It’s a strange situation.  I don’t think any of us has made sense of it yet,” he answered.

“You know what I mean,” she said, giving him a half-smile.  “Can I help you?”

“I hope so,” he said, handing her another PADD.  “It’s not high priority, I know, but I’m hoping we can make it a priority this week.”

“What is this, a personal favor?” she asked, taking the PADD from him.  It only took her a few moments to interpret the specifications. “A coffee maker?  For the captain, I assume?”

“For everyone.  We’re going to be here for a while.  I know Kes already had some coffee bushes growing in hydroponics.  If we can get them growing here, and a coffee maker up and running, we wouldn’t have to use replicator energy for coffee in the morning...”

“Chakotay,” she said, raising her eyebrows.  “You just want me in on this to cover your ass when the captain finds out you used resources for this without her authorization.”

“Maybe,” he said, giving her his best smile.  His eyes were twinkling, like they did. 

“Fine,” she said.  “I’ll give this to Carey and have him get someone on it by the end of this week.”

“Great, thanks,” he said, standing to go.

“Now maybe you can help me,” B’Elanna said.  “One of the solar generators is failing because of a faulty relay grid.  We need one with a higher capacity, and we need it today. I don’t want to pull any of the engineering crew off their projects.  Can I borrow a crewman to come with me when I go to Voyager today and take the high capacity relay grid back here to the settlement?”

“Sure, you can have Tom do it,” he said.  “I don’t have an assignment yet for him today.” 

“Well no, I need to do it.  It’s a complicated operation, so I just need someone to bring the component back to the settlement…”

“That’s fine, take Tom anyway,” Chakotay said.  “That’ll keep him out of my hair for a few hours.  I just saw him in the Mess Hall; I’ll go tell him he’s assigned to you this morning.”

“Tell him to bring an oxygen unit and a pack!” she yelled at Chakotay’s departing form.  She sighed, wishing she had had a moment to come up with an objection to Chakotay’s assignment.  She and Tom had always worked well together. His constant high level of amusement at life was a welcome distraction from her own negative demeanor.  Normally she found anyone with a sunny disposition to be inherently annoying, but something about Tom’s particular brand of positivity managed to delight a small (very small) part of her.  Was it his dry humor? Self-deprecating wit? He did have a knack for observing life from a very different angle than she did. Did she appreciate that on some level? 

What she didn’t appreciate was being distracted from her work, and lately Tom Paris was becoming a big distraction.  It was bad enough she had to sleep a few meters away from him every night, now she was going to be alone with him in a Jeffries tube for hours?

She found Tom, ten minutes later, standing out in the sunlight in front of the Work House.  

“I hear I’m assigned to you this morning, Lieutenant,” he said.  As requested, he was already outfitted with an oxygen unit, and pack, just like she was.

“Yes, thanks for the help,” she said.  “Let’s get going. I’ve already been delayed here longer than I should have been.”  They set off at a quick pace toward Voyager. 

“Yeah, I noticed you were gone when I woke up this morning,” he said.  She cringed a little bit at the comment. It sounded so… familiar.

“There’s just a lot to do.  I’m trying to oversee the work being done here, and make sure I’m ready to work on the shuttle.  And Janeway wants me to approve all replicator requisitions to make sure we don’t use more energy than we should.  Frankly, it’s taking up too much of my time.”

“Well, the Chief Engineer’s work is never done,” he commented.  “Did you get a chance to have breakfast?”

“No,” she said.  “But I’ll be fine.”

“Well, even the Chief Engineer should…” he started.  

She shot him a look.  

“Never mind,” he held up his hands in mock surrender.

Soon they were in Voyager.  The high capacity relay grid she wanted was a component in the shield systems, located not far from Main Engineering.  There was not so much climbing as there was crawling through Jeffries tubes. Never one of her favorite activities, and made much, much more difficult by the packs and supplemental oxygen, and the high temperature of the stale air inside of Voyager.  

They soon reached one of the small utility rooms at the conjunction of several Jeffries tubes.  She took off her pack, pulled out her tool kit. Damn, it was hot in here. She regarded Tom out of the corner of her eye for a few moments, decided she didn’t care what sort of joke was going to come out of his mouth, and stripped down to her undershirt.  It was too hot in here to do otherwise.

“Good idea,” Tom said, immediately doing the same.  Had he been waiting for her “permission” of sorts? She waited, but no flirtatious jokes followed. 

“Okay, I need to decouple this relay, but it’s going to take a little finagling,” she said.

“How can I help?”

“Hold on, I’ll let you know.”

She worked in silence for several minutes, separating out components, trying to figure out the best way to pull out all the parts she needed.  With the ship powered down, this should be a straightforward operation, but some of these nearby systems were built to collect and maintain energy even when powered down and she didn’t want to risk an explosion.  

“Tom, can you just scan this power coupling here, keep an eye on the numbers?  Part of this system is tied in with several other systems, and I don’t want any surprises.”  

He nodded, taking the tricorder from here, kneeling right next to her, watching the tricorder readouts.  She was suddenly very aware of the nearness of their bodies, and their current isolation. Just the two of them, in this little utility room on Deck 11.  The nearest people a kilometer away in the settlement. They were both already sweaty, already partially unclothed. 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing her mind to clear of these thoughts.  She needed to focus. Damn Chakotay for putting her in this situation. Next time she would have an excuse ready for why she needed to take Dalby with her instead.  

“You okay?” Tom asked.

“Yeah, I just need to focus on this,” she said.

“B’Elanna, I’m reading a 0.48 increase in power coming from behind that grid,” Tom said, suddenly sitting up straighter.

“That’s fine, it’s just that…” the words caught in her throat as pain overtook her right arm and torso, and she screamed.

“B’Elanna!” Tom was pulling her back from the relay grid.  The utility room was spinning, and she shut her eyes tightly.  She could feel herself on the floor, the cold metal on her left side contrasting with the burning pain on her right.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” she swore over and over.

“Let me look at that.  B’Elanna! Let me see!” she could hear Tom’s voice from above her, and his hands on her side.

“Fuck fuck fuck,” she knew she needed to stop swearing and start breathing, but could not make it happen.

“B’Elanna!  Calm down! I need to look at this.  Look, just breathe, okay? Let’s breathe together,” Tom said, and started dramatic intake of breath, so she could hear it over his oxygen kit mask.  “Just like this, okay, just breathe with me, okay, B’Elanna?” 

She felt him leaning his body over her, breathing slowly.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” her swearing had become a whisper now.  She continued pressing her right arm against her torso as hard as she could.  She started breathing along with Tom, pictured herself pushing the pain away. She had been hurt badly before.  She was half Klingon. She could handle this.

She wasn’t sure how long they breathed together like that when finally she heard him again.

“Can I look now?”

She nodded.  She still had her eyes closed.  She felt his hands on her arm, although the pain radiating through it numbed away most of the sensation of his touch.  But she could sense the tension in the air as he examined her.

“This is bad, B’Elanna.  Hold on, I need to tourniquet this.”

She finally opened her eyes, was almost surprised to see how close Tom was, working part of his uniform into a tourniquet for her arm.  She was also surprised by how much blood there was. She could determine her arm was still in one piece, but… perhaps not a very solid piece.  Seriously, why was there so much blood? She closed her eyes again. The pain from the movement needed to get the tourniquet on was excruciating.  

“We’ve got to get you back to the settlement.”

“Get the relay grid,” she said, with great effort.  

“No.  Absolutely not.  We need to go now.”

“Tom,” she said, through her teeth this time.  Oh God, she was in so much pain. “Get the relay grid.  Now that the plasma conduit has blown, it will be easy. Just cut the components, it doesn’t matter.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

She opened her eyes again,  found Tom’s eyes, full of concern, and stared directly into them.  

“I’m not leaving without it.”

“B’Elanna, you’re losing a lot of blood…”

“Then you better do it quick,” she said, closing her eyes again, and leaning back.

“Goddamn it, B’Elanna,” Tom almost screamed at her.  She was startled. She had never heard him so angry. She was glad she had her eyes closed, so he couldn’t read her emotions.  He was always too good at reading her emotions. 

She heard him scrambling over to the relay grid, heard the hyperspanners start up.  A few minutes of work went by.

“You still with me, B’Elanna?” she heard Tom coming back to her side.

“Mmm hmmmm, yes,” she said.

“I have the relay grid,” he said.  “Come on, we’ve got to get out of here.  Can you move?”

She couldn’t, but that wasn’t really a choice.  She remembered how much better she felt with the deep breathing, and took a deep breath in.  She had been curled on the floor in a fetal position since the explosion, and now for the first time began to move.  Her left arm was fine, and she started to prop herself up before she felt Tom’s arms around her, helping her up.

The world started to go black. 

“Hey, hey, okay, sit for a minute, just sit,” that was Tom again, voice standing far away.  She could hear him helping her into sitting position. Well at least that was better than fetal position.

“Just sit and breathe,” Tom again.

She did as she was told.  In. Out. In. Out.

“Okay, let’s try again,” she said.  Tom reached around her and helped her back into standing position.  It occurred to her, somewhere in the very distant reaches of her brain, that she would have enjoyed this if she could get past the searing pain.  

This time the world didn’t go black, although she felt dizzy when she saw the puddle of blood on the floor below her.

“Okay, slow and steady,” Tom said, helping her to the Jeffries tube.

“I thought you said we needed to get out of here fast,” she said.

She didn’t hear his response as she focused on beginning the long crawl through the Jeffries tube with just one working arm.  She had done this before, although with less pain and less blood involved, and no oxygen kit. She couldn’t believe how much her torso hurt as she awkwardly crawled through the tube.  And somewhere in the back of her mind she was utterly horrified by her awkward gait and inability to move quickly. Somewhere else in her mind she was noting Tom’s anxious demeanor, and the general tension in the air.  Neither of those parts of her brain particularly mattered to her right now. She focused on the slow crawl.

They finally reached the vertical tube.  Five decks to go out into the open air, and freedom.  

B’Elanna crouched at the entrance to the vertical tube, reflecting that her body had become numb to the pain now.  She had a strange sense that everything was going to be okay. 

“Okay, we’re going to go down together,” Tom was saying.  “If I hold you with my left arm, you can use your left arm to climb, and I can use my right.  I’ll hang on tight.”

She just stared at him.  Even through her haze, she knew that wasn’t going to work, but somehow couldn’t find the words to tell him that.  

“This will work,” he insisted, apparently reading her mind.  “Here, I’ll go out first, and you swing into my arms. Come on, we have to hurry.  You’re still losing blood.”

She was?  She looked down.  The front of her uniform was soaked, a mixture of sweat and blood she guessed.  But when she looked at her feet she saw the beginnings of a watery pink puddle forming.  B’Elanna just stared at it.

“Come on, can you swing yourself over here between me and the ladder?”

Tom was talking.  About something. What was going on?

He reached for her, gently but insistently pulling her to him.

“Move your feet!  Come on, on the ladder!” he was shouting at her.  Why was he shouting? She was on the ladder now, Tom gripping her torso so tightly it hurt, stepping down when he told her to.  Focusing on her left arm gripping the rungs of the ladders. She felt tears stinging her eyes, wasn’t sure why. 

“God, B’Elanna you’re breathing too fast,” he said.  He paused for a second, putting one hand against her neck.  “And your heart rate is way up. You’re going into shock. We’ve got to move.”


	5. DAY FIVE

She woke slowly, dreams and reality passing back and forth, out of order, like shuffling cards.  

She was on a cot… in a room.  Where was she? What had happened?

“You’re alright, B’Elanna.  Don’t try to sit up,” it was Kes, standing over her, ministering to her in her gentle manner.  

B’Elanna ignored Kes’s warning, tried to sit up, and immediately regretted it.  She groaned, and let her body fall back into the cot. She was covered in one of the silver medical blankets, wearing the blue patient gown.  

“Here, have a little water,” Kes said, handing her a small cup.  B’Elanna accepted it, drank the whole thing.

“What happened?” she finally managed.  

“Do you remember an explosion in Voyager? When you were trying to remove a relay grid?”

She thought about it.  Yes, yes she did. She nodded.

“It was a plasma conduit explosion.  You had severe burns on your right arm and torso.  Additionally, part of a conduit was shot into your shoulder, causing a great deal of damage to your muscles and bones.  You lost a lot of blood. You were in shock by the time Tom got you here. I had to perform emergency surgery.”

B’Elanna considered this information.  Yes, she remembered trying to get out of Voyager, and Tom practically carrying her down the Jeffries tube.  She remembered feeling tears in her eyes, him gripping her tightly. 

Laying on her back, she reached out her right arm, feeling the ache of newly-mended muscles.  She pulled the gown off her body just slightly to reveal some very raw-looking skin on her torso, and what looked like a long, thick scar between her right arm and right breast.

“I’ve repaired all the damage as best I can,” Kes was continuing.  “We’ve had you on rehydration protocols all night, and you needed two blood transfusions.”  

She put her hand to her head.

“Did Carey get the relay grid?  Did he get the generator repaired?” B’Elanna asked.

“Yes, he did,” Kes said.  “I’m going to keep you here another night before I release you.  And you’ll need to come back in a few times so I can treat that scar.  Your wound was too deep for me to repair without allowing scar tissue to form.”

B’Elanna wasn’t listening.  She was picturing herself, in shock, bleeding, probably blubbering like a fool, being carried into the settlement by Tom Paris.  She hated it. She hated people seeing her that way, people judging her. She had seen enough war and death during her time in the Maquis, and carried her fair share of comrades into a medical facility, to know that nobody should be held responsible for what they said or did while injured.  But she couldn’t help but hold herself to a higher standard.

She rolled over on the cot and sighed deeply.  


	6. DAY SIX

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Tom said, as he helped B’Elanna out of Sickbay.  

He seemed pleased to see her.  B’Elanna was annoyed. She did not understand why Kes had asked him to help her back to the bunkhouse.  Chakotay and the Captain had been here earlier in the day, and Harry before that. Any of them could have helped her back to the bunkhouse just fine, thank you.  

“I’m fine, and I don’t need help back, but thank you for telling Kes you would,” she said, with more anger in her voice than she had intended.  

“I’m just escorting you!  Doctor’s orders! Well, nurse’s orders, I guess?” 

She could tell he was assessing her with his field medic’s knowledge as they made their way across the square.  She felt very conspicuous, even though Kes had already provided her with a fresh uniform. She was still a little dirty, sonic showers weren’t working yet, and she was pretty sure there was still blood on her.  But that could be dealt with later. Right now she just wanted to be left alone. 

She was moving slower than normal, certainly, but she felt much better than she had 24 hours ago.  She moved through the bunkhouse, back to her bunk. She had almost forgotten, somehow, that Tom slept across from her now.  How strange, both as a fact in of itself and also as something to forget so easily. 

She practically threw herself into her bunk, immediately regretting it when she hit the bed with her right arm.  She gasped, without meaning to.

“You alright?” Tom was hovering over her.

“I’m fine,” she said, through clenched teeth.  “I don’t need you hovering.”

“I’ll get you some water,” he said.  He disappeared, and returned several minutes later with a full bottle of water from the mess hall.  She groaned.

“Tom, water costs replicator energy.  Until Carey gets the water filtration system up and running…”

“Oh no. No, no, no.  You’re still convalescing, and Kes said you get as much water as you can handle.”

B’Elanna sighed, reached for the water, wincing when she thought about the long trip up the hill to the latrines.  That was going to be fun.

“And I’ll be here to help you up the hill when you need that help too,” Tom said, from over by his bunk where he was now shuffling through his hygiene kit.  She shot him a dirty look, which he must not have seen because he said nothing.

“Ah, here it is,” he said, turning back to here.  He was holding a deck of cards in his hand.

“What?” she said.

“Gin rummy.  Do you know how to play it?” he asked.

“Tom, you taught me and Harry how to play last year on that long away mission, remember?”

He grinned.

“I know, just seeing if you remember,” he said.  “Let’s play a few rounds.”

She was both annoyed and charmed by his inability to leave her alone.  Most people were immediately intimidated by her  _ leave me the fuck alone _ attitude, but he often seemed oblivious to it.  Or perhaps he just liked a challenge?

“Fine, just for a little while,” she said, propping herself up with her pillow.

An hour or so later, they had played several hands.  Some of her staff had stopped by to see how she was doing, and she tried to hide her discomfort with the situation.  Tom regaled her with long stories from the day she had missed while in Sickbay. She marveled at how easily he could spin a tale out of a small argument between Tuvok, Chakotay, and Neelix, and his excellent impression of the Captain trying to resolve the disagreement.  His Janeway was spot on. 

Night was falling now, and B’Elanna was tired.

“I’m tired, Tom,” she said.  “This is the last hand.”

“Okay,” he replied, “then I’ll go get you some dinner.”

“No, that’s fine,” she said.  “I can do it myself. I’m not an invalid.”

He looked at her, and she allowed their eyes to really meet for the first time all day.  

“B’Elanna,” Tom said, “I know it goes against everything you like to think about yourself, but it’s okay to let someone take care of you sometimes.  At least for a little while.”

She bit her lower lip, and saw (felt?) the replay of Tom helping her down the Jeffries tube.  Her body felt like one deep well of emotion piled on top of emotion. It was a sensation she did not enjoy.  Worried he would see tears welling up in her eyes, she looked down at her cards. 

They finished the round, Tom packed up the cards, and B’Elanna lay back down on her bunk, watching him.  

“Okay, I’m going to get you something to eat,” he reminded her, and he started to leave.  

“Tom,” she said, sharply.  He stopped.

“What?”

“Thank you,” she whispered, looking away before she could read the expression on his face, or he hers.  


	7. DAY FIFTEEN

“B’Elanna, wake up.”

“What happened?” she immediately sat up in her bunk, clutching her right arm against her body.  It was dark in the bunkhouse, only a bit of starlight filtering through the windows. It had been ten days since the accident in Voyager, she was fully healed and back on duty, but often found herself protectively covering her scar.  She was exhausted from her long days spent working on the shuttlecraft, and had been sleeping very deeply. 

“Shhhhh,” Tom said.  “Don’t wake everyone up.  You need to come see this.”

“See what?”

“Just come,” he motioned at her to get out of bed and follow him.  It was a warm night, he was wearing only his Starfleet pajamas, as was she.  She hesitated, feeling a little exposed in her own shorts and undershirt, but her curiosity propelled her out of bed.  

He led her silently up the hill opposite the river, behind the the Work House, behind the generators.  The sky was bright with stars, and the air warm. They left behind the pools of light near the settlement, and soon came to a clear space on top of the hill.  The grass was shorter here, the air more still. 

“Tom, what is this?”

“Shhhhhhh!!!!” he put his hand on her shoulder and guided her body to kneel on the ground next to him.  Her heart started beating rapidly. Was he…? Were they....? What was this? Anticipatory lust burned inside of her, while her rational mind attempted to regain control, tried to convince her to walk away now.  Instead, she pictured herself pulling his shirt off of his body, running her hands across his chest and arms. 

Tom laid down right next to her, on his belly, propped up on his elbows, and motioned for her to do the same.  She glared at him, a reflex, but her heart pounded with suspense, and she acquiesced. They lay close enough for their shoulders to touch.  

Tom motioned for her to look in front of her.

For a few minutes, she saw nothing, kept looking back to Tom to give him a quizzical look which he always answered with a nod.

She couldn’t see them at first, but then a purple glimmer caught her eye.  A small creature, quite rabbit-like, but a strange iridescent purple, dashed across the clearing in front of her, and disappeared from sight.  Then another appeared, disappeared again. It took her a few moments to realize that these creatures weren’t just disappearing into the grass - they were actually disappearing.  It was as if they were fading in and out of reality, over and over again. It was pure magic, and she couldn’t help smiling widely. She looked at Tom’s face; he was grinning, nodded at her to continue watching, put his finger over his mouth to remind her to be quiet.

They watched the little animals in this way for at least thirty minutes.  More and more of them appeared and disappeared in front of their eyes, a frenzy of magic.  It was so quiet up on top of the hill, the animals made no sound at all. B’Elanna could hear a slight rustling of wind in the grass, and Tom’s slow breathing beside her.  His shoulder was still touching hers, neither of them had moved away. 

“Ready to go?” he finally whispered.  As soon as his words hit the air the purple animals vanished completely, suddenly.  She nodded, and the stood up together.

“Tom, what  _ was  _ that?  I’ve never seen anything like that in my life.”

“Jenny told me about them yesterday.  I guess Megan and Seth discovered them last week while they were… umm… meeting up here.”

“What  _ are  _ they?  How did they disappear like that? It’s almost like they were fading in and out of phase with the planet…” she said.  

“That’s exactly right,” he said, starting back down the hill, the two of them side by side.  “Jenny talked Joe into coming up here with one of the functional tricorders last night and they discovered they’re coming in and out of phase.  And they are highly, highly sensitive to sound.”

“Well, if Jenny knows then everyone is going to know by tomorrow night,” B’Elanna said.

“That’s exactly why we came tonight,” Tom said.  

“You know you could have given me a little forewarning,” B’Elanna said.  “I was following you up here in the dark, no clue what was going on…” She remembered then what she had thought was going to happen when he pushed her down into the grass, and her body flooded with desire again.

“You don’t like surprises, Lieutenant?” he asked.

“Depends on the surprise, Lieutenant,” she said.  

“I’ll keep that in mind next time,” he said, and he put his hand on her shoulder.  They walked back to the bunkhouse in this way, B’Elanna wondering if she should pull away from his touch, but finding she didn’t want to.  Not at all. 

 


	8. DAY TWENTY

The work on the shuttle was going far more slowly than B’Elanna had anticipated.  The replication of the thermium, delayed by the limited power provided by the solar generators, was the main cause, but a million other tiny things had worked against B’Elanna.  

Everything came down to this lack of power.  The shuttlecraft were tucked away in the shuttlebay on Deck 10.  Every morning, B’Elanna replicated a supplemental oxygen kit for herself, and however many thermium components she could get out of the replicator that morning.  Carrying a pack of tools and parts, she climbed the tubes up to the shuttlebay. That first day, she had killed a good two hours just getting the shuttlecraft doors open, trying to get air to flow into the cavernous room so she could divest herself of the cumbersome, and energy expensive, supplemental oxygen.  Once the doors were open, she decided against closing them again. The shuttlecraft were exposed to the elements now, although so far every day had been sunny and nearly cloudless.

It quickly became clear that if this job was going to be completed in a timely fashion she needed the shuttlecraft out of the shuttle bay, somewhere where she could get to it without dragging supplies up six decks, and without supplemental oxygen.  Impulse engines then, that’s all she needed and she could get the craft on the ground. 

Today, finally, impulse engines were functional on the shuttle.  B’Elanna had tested them just now, and was satisfied that the shuttlecraft could make the half mile trip to the settlement even without environmental controls or stabilizers or… really anything.  Nothing worked on the shuttlecraft except the impulse engines and part of one helm console. It would have to do, and it would do. 

Now, as the sun set ahead of her, she headed back to the settlement, tired and sweaty from the day’s work.

She spent so much time away from the settlement, alone up in the shuttlebay, that she was often surprised by the changes when she returned from a day of work.  The exteriors of the buildings looked much the same as they had on the first day they had landed, but on the inside things were quite different. The Mess Hall now contained a fully outfitted kitchen, like much of the settlement it had been supplemented with non-thermium parts taken from Voyager, as needed.  The Work House was far more organized, the Sickbay within it fully-functional, Janeway’s ready room all settled. 

But in her opinion, the absolute best addition to this settlement was the water showers.  Carey and his team had gone to work on the sonic showers on that second day and quickly determined that it made more sense from an energy conservation standpoint to hook up water showers to the water filtration system that they were already building anyway.  It required the ingenious use of spare parts from various areas of Voyager, but within just two weeks each bunkhouse hosted a row of sonic showers now modified to function as water showers. Carey had told her he had expected major pushback from the command team about the showers, as digging and installing drainage for them would require a great deal of manpower, but there had been no shortage of volunteers desperate for a hot shower, and the work had been completed in record time.  Next up was the sewage system, which was slightly more complicated due to water treatment needs. Carey’s latest report to her had promised completion of water flushing toilets in just ten days.

She headed for Bunkhouse C, home for now, and after collecting a few things from her own bunk, headed to the showers.  She cast a glance at Tom’s bunk, just a few meters from hers. His bed was perfectly made to Starfleet standards, all his things carefully stowed underneath.  Despite sharing a bedroom with him (well, and 46 other people), she had barely seen him since the night he taken her up to hill to see the little out-of-phase animals. They had shared dinner once, but appeared to be on opposite schedules.  The reasonable part of her was relieved by this as Tom Paris had become a huge distraction. She found herself more and more captivated by him every day, unable to stop thinking about the feeling of his hand on her shoulder. She had never felt like this about another person before, and the sensation alarmed her.  This was not how she normally operated. 

She checked the temperature of the water and then stepped into the shower. She leaned against the wall and let the warm water run over her body and remove all the grease and stress of the day.  She could hear two ensigns in the main bathroom discussing a quarrel they had overheard between Neelix and Kes. She ran her fingers over the scar running along the side of her torso, next to her breast.  She had been so busy, she had neglected to return for scar tissue treatments.

“B’Elanna, hey, you in here?”

She opened her eyes.  Tom Paris was standing directly outside her shower cubicle, out of view behind the frosted glass but very, very close to her intimate little reverie.

“What?” she said, with a touch more edge to her voice than she meant.

“Hey! I’ve been looking all over for you; I heard tomorrow is going to be a big day, and I’m just wondering who you’ve got lined up to fly that shuttle.”

“What?” she practically growled at him.  Having just been contemplating his absence, she was now highly annoyed by his appearance.  There was almost no privacy in the settlement, a fact which made B’Elanna grateful for the time she spent away in the shuttlebay.  Ensigns were literally sleeping on top of lieutenants and crewmembers. In Bunkhouse C, at least, the inhabitants had adjusted to the lack of privacy quickly, with both females and males no longer bothering to change into anything more than underwear as they moved from bath to bed.  Even Nicoletti, whom B’Elanna had previously assessed as a prude, now walked around the bunkhouse freely in her bra and underwear. And almost everything was on display in the shower area, depending on who was in there. B’Elanna tended to wake earlier than everyone, and arrive back from work earlier, which had allowed her to maintain her own privacy a bit more.  Despite all this general openness, she was… unnerved by Tom’s physical presence so close to her own naked body at this moment.

“Come on, B’Elanna, don’t do that to me,” Tom started up again.  “Harry told me yesterday you told him you’re this close to bringing the shuttlecraft out.  But I hear you don’t have anything working except the engines. Surely you need the best pilot we have to bring that thing down?”

“I can handle it, Tom,” she said, seeing the shadow of his body move even closer to the frosted glass.  Was he  _ leaning _ on her shower door now?

“I don’t know… you won’t have inertial dampeners in place.  What about the wind shear up there? Have you ever flown a shuttle solo in an atmosphere? It’s not space, B’Elanna.”  

“So you don’t think I can handle it?”

“I didn’t say that! I just think it’s best for all of us if that shuttle makes it down to the ground in one piece.  You’ve put in nearly two weeks of work on that thing, you wouldn’t want it to crash into that hill and have to start over, would you?”

She was silent, thinking about what he had said.

Actually she was thinking about how naked her body was, and how close his body was and how easily she could just pull him into this shower cubicle…

_ What the hell is wrong with me.  Stop. Stop stop stop. _

“B’Elanna?” he asked, momentarily stymied by her silence.  She turned off the water, threw a towel across the front of her, and cracked opened the door.  Tom was standing there, dirty and sweaty from another hard day of work in the sun, it appeared.  She suspected that more often than not Chakotay ended up assigning him to manual labor, and his upper arms were showing it, especially now, as he was in his undershirt again.  

“Fine,” she said to him.  “But you’re in charge of telling Chakotay, and I’m setting out for Voyager at 0600 tomorrow morning.  Now that we all have functioning chronometers again, try to not be late.”

She had expected one of his goofy grins and some version of his “yes, ma’am” in response.

“Yeah, great, thanks!” he responded, somewhat dumbly.

B’Elanna turned back, closing the door behind her, hanging her towel, and starting up the shower again.  A smile came to her. He had been unsettled by her appearance, and the closeness of her naked body. Well, she could certainly get some satisfaction about that.


	9. DAY TWENTY-ONE

B’Elanna wasn’t sure what time Tom had gone to bed; his bunk had been empty when she had turned in for the night, but he appeared in front of the Work House at 0600 as promised.  Only a few crewmen were moving around at that early hour. She carried two supplemental oxygen units, and tossed one at him, which he caught gracefully. He was in full uniform today, like her.  Ready to be a pilot again, it seemed. 

“Hey, thanks for this,” he said to her.  “I’m sorry if I caught you off guard yesterday.  It’s just, I’m a little desperate to do some flying.” He gave her a sheepish grin.

“No, you’re right,” she conceded.  “This is something you should be doing, not me.  What have you been doing for the past week anyway?  I’ve barely seen you.”

“I know, we must be running different schedules.  I feel like I’ve done almost everything so far. I helped Kes set up the new Sickbay.  I dug drainage for the showers, but I think everyone except for you did that.”

“Janeway?” she asked.

“Yes, Janeway too, and she made Tuvok come out with a shovel too!  I’ve got to hand it to him, though, he did well. Let’s see, I’ve been installing closets and cubicles.  I had two days on reconnaissance with Chakotay, which was fun. Oh, I’ve done lunch duty for Neelix lately.  And yesterday I was assigned to the cultivation team. Which is just a fancy way of saying I turned and tested soil all day.”

“Wow, you really have done some of everything,” she said.

“Yeah, well… not much call for great pilots around here right now.”  

It occurred to her that he looked a little… lost.  She wondered briefly what it would be like to have her own work taken away from her.  What if there were no engineering projects to be done? She almost laughed out loud. Impossible.  She would always be the busiest person in the settlement. 

They were making quick time, Tom being one of the few colleagues she had who could easily keep up with her usual walking pace, and Voyager was beginning to loom over them.  

“Hey did you hear about Silva and Fischer?” Tom asked.

“No, I’ve been out of the loop.  What about them?”

“Word on the street is they’re officially a couple!  Chell ran into them making out behind the latrines in the middle of the day yesterday.  It’s all over the camp now, of course, but it sounds like they aren’t denying it.”

“Silva and Fischer!” she exclaimed.  Silva was a strapping young man on Tuvok’s security team, and Fischer was a plain-looking male science officer.  She didn’t know Fischer well, but Silva was the gregarious, extroverted type and seemed to know everyone somehow.  “I wouldn’t have guessed. How in the world are they going to make that work here? Are they even in the same bunkhouse?”

“Fischer’s in C with us, don’t you remember?  Now we’ll have both him and Baytart sneaking out.  Whatever you do, don’t tell Chakotay. I can just see him instituting a curfew and making us enforce it.  No way.” 

B’Elanna frowned.  Had Seth Baytart been sneaking out?  She hadn’t noticed, but it occurred to her he was never in the bunk above her when she turned in, and hardly ever there when she rose in the morning.  It was clear he was going somewhere to meet Megan Delaney, but where? Where would a couple find the privacy they needed in this tiny camp town? 

_ Don’t let that thought evolve... _

“What? You think we should tell Chakotay?” Tom queried her silence.  

“Nothing,” she responded quickly, “No.”  Thankfully, they had reached the foot of the ramp leading up into the bowels of Voyager.

She took the lead on the climb up the Jeffries tubes.  She had become accustomed to making the climb with the supplemental oxygen unit on her, and smirked a bit at Tom’s fumbling.  Although last time they had been climbing like this she had been practically dead weight in his arms. They reached Deck 10, and walked a short way to the shuttlebay, flashlights lighting the way.  When they reached the shuttlebay they removed the supplemental oxygen, turned off their lights, and looked around.

“I had already forgotten how hot and dark it is in Voyager,” said Tom.  “I’m glad to be done with that climb.”

“Yeah, it’s eerie,” she agreed, leading him to the shuttlecraft in question.  

“I heard the captain is considering letting some of us aboard in shifts to collect things from our quarters.  But I think she’s hesitant to admit that we may be here for long enough for it to matter,” he said.

“I had considered getting into mine one of these days, my quarters are just one deck up from here.  I guess I missed my chance; if you can get this thing out of here today then I won’t have to come back for at least a few weeks.”  She reflected on the amount of work it would take, once a source of thermium was found, to refit all of Voyager. 

One step at a time.

“Alright, let’s do pre-flight?” he said, happily setting down in the pilot’s seat.  

She shot him a look.  

“Just joking, Lieutenant!  Okay, looks like helm control is functional, impulse engines at 70%.  I would take a seat if I were you, without the inertial dampeners this is going to be a bumpy ride.”

“Wait, I have to close the door, and we both have to put our oxygen back on…”

“No, leave it open,” he shook his head.  “Then we can skip the oxygen, and get some fresh air and a better view.”

“You sure?” she frowned at him.  “That’s going to totally change the dynamics of the…”

“Sit down, Torres.” 

She sat next to him, relishing their nearness in the confines of this shuttlecraft.

“Okay, hold on,” he said.  “I’ll try to go easy on your stomachs.”  She was about to respond with a retort, but shut up as she felt the shuttlecraft lift off the floor of the shuttlebay for the first time in weeks.  Nose pointed out, they headed for the open bay doors, and out into the bright sunlight. She was grasping the edges of her chair, glad that Tom was doing the flying and not her, after all.  Despite the limited helm control, he was in complete control of the shuttle, and the craft moved easily through the air. Voyager became smaller and smaller behind them, as the shuttlecraft skimmed the rolling, grassy hills of this planet.  He was headed perpendicular to the settlement, out into the unexplored areas.

“Tom, where are we going?”

“Just a little reconnaissance, if you don’t mind.  You don’t, do you?”

“Did you clear this little side mission with Chakotay?” she asked.

“No, but that’s never stopped me before,” he looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes.  “Okay, I’ll stop if you want, and go straight to the settlement, but I thought we could take this opportunity to do some sightseeing and report back.  And I could use the flight time…”

She could see a layer of pleading in his eyes.  He was desperate to fly again. And she had to admit it made sense to gather more visual information on the planet, even without sensors functional.  

“Fine,” she said, settling into her seat.  The sound of the wind against the open ramp behind them was constant, but soothing.  He smiled happily, also settling into his seat, and focused on his flying.

They flew low over the rolling hills, putting Voyager between them and the settlement, out toward the larger mountains they had spotted from the ground.  The mountains were even more massive the closer they got. After fifty kilometers, Tom turned to the port, and began circling back toward the the settlement and Voyager, the long way.  The hills were the same, rolling, with tall grasses and other plants. Valleys here and there, much like their own. Very few trees dotted the surface.

“Tom, look!” B’Elanna shouted.  She had spotted a herd of animals, some sort of grazing, deer-type thing, running as they heard the shuttle coming.  

“Dinner!” Tom exclaimed, slowing and lowering to get a closer look.  “I can’t be sure without navigation, but I would say this is maybe twenty kilometers from our settlement.  We’ll have to inform Chakotay.”

The animals kept up their mad dash toward the mountains, and Tom turned away from them, continuing to make a wide loop back to the settlement.  She was not the least bit nauseous, even without the inertial dampeners, and had stopped gripping the edge of her chair. He was an amazing pilot, moving the shuttlecraft over the fields of grass easily and gracefully despite the ramp hanging out in the open awkwardly behind them and the limited helm control.  For the first time in weeks, she felt exhilarated, almost like laughing. She looked to Tom and saw his joyous smile. Her own smile spread wider.

More and more trees dotted the landscape until they came to a wider valley filled with them.  A river, much wilder than the one they were camped on, coursed through the valley. Now they were exactly 180 degrees from their starting point, with the settlement between them and Voyager.  

“This place reminds me a lot of Yellowstone,” Tom commented.  
“Yellowstone? Is that on Earth?” B’Elanna asked. Tom nodded.

“It’s a protected wilderness area, on the North American continent.  They only let a few hundred people come through every year, but my father got us on the list and we camped there twice when I was a kid.”

“I used to go camping with my father,” B’Elanna said.  “I think it was his way of getting us away from my mother for a few days.  It was never as satisfying as I thought it was going to be.” She hadn’t thought about those camping trips in years.  She remembered expectations of great fun, just herself and her father, and yet he always seemed unsettled to be alone with her.  It was only years later that she realized he was never comfortable with her being half Klingon. The memory was an unpleasant reminder of her Klingon side, a reminder that she was different from everyone else.  

She suddenly felt empty and sick, as if all the life had drained out of her body.  It was a familiar feeling, something she had experienced regularly ever since her father had left, and it always unnerved her.  How could an emotion manifest itself so physically?

She became aware of Tom Paris watching her.

“I know how it is to feel uncomfortable with your parents,” Tom said.  “Always feeling like you can’t quite get yourself to be what they want you to be.  I feel like it was actually easier for me after Caldik Prime and the Maquis. I was finally fulfilling my dad’s expectations and becoming the screw-up he always knew I was.”

Was he reading her mind again?  B’Elanna reflected that perhaps their experiences growing up weren’t as dissimilar as they seemed at first glance.  Son of the Starfleet Admiral, daughter of the Klingon. 

She couldn’t think of what to say, and they rode in silence for the rest of the ride, finally circling back to the settlement.

“Where do you want her put down?” Tom asked.

“I was thinking between Voyager and the settlement,” she answered.  “Out of the way, but accessible.”

“Good idea.  I’ll set her down a little closer to Voyager so Baytart and Delaney don’t get any ideas about other uses for a shuttlecraft.”  B’Elanna laughed out loud at that. And then quickly worked to divert that train of thought.


	10. DAY THIRTY

It was hot.  Even hotter then when they had arrived.  They knew nothing about the seasons on this planet, but everyone hoped that this was the middle of summer.  If this was what passed for winter on this planet then they were well and truly screwed. 

B’Elanna, like almost everyone else, had completely abandoned the full uniform top during the day, and now worked solely in the grey undershirt, although she tolerated the long black pants better than most.  Still, she dripped with sweat after a day in the sun working on the shuttle. The shuttle was parked close enough to Voyager so at least in the morning she was in the shade, but the afternoons were always long and hot.

They had christened this shuttlecraft the  _ Phoenix _ , ostensibly after Cochrane’s warp vessel, but also as a nod to the crew of Voyager rising from the ashes.  B’Elanna pulled various engineering crews, sometimes Harry, and sometimes even Tom, in to help her, but largely the acquiring of thermium parts had been slow enough that she had worked on it by herself. 

The rest of the engineering staff had been working well under Carey, and were mere hours away from activating a new septic system in the bunkhouses, using running water and again various pieces scavenged from Voyager.  As chief engineer, she had of course approved all the scavenging before it could happen, but she privately wondered if they were ever going to be able to get Voyager back into one piece, considering the wide and strange variety of parts that had been pulled from her now.  

A week ago, the crew had also been allowed back into the ship, in shifts, with supplemental oxygen, to gather items from their quarters.  B’Elanna had grabbed a few sets of clothes from hers, and was grateful to have something other than her uniform to wear in her off hours. The general morale had certainly been improved by that move, but B’Elanna knew Janeway was deeply conflicted about it.  The energy cost for oxygen supplementation for the entire crew had set them back at least a week on their thermium component replication. 

B’Elanna finished packing up her tools, stowed them in the shuttlecraft, and closed the ramp.  The only good thing about “high summer” here was that at least it had started raining regularly, if not often.  She turned to head back to the settlement, which now, more than a month into their stay, had changed significantly.  Someone on the cultivation team kept the grass mowed low in the town square and outdoor tables and chairs had been built.  Delightful strand lighting had been hung across the square, making it an inviting place to spend the warm summer evenings. Paths ranged out from the square to various places, the most well-worn being the path to the latrines.  But there was a path to Voyager, a path to the cultivation area up higher in the valley, paths to the solar generators, and paths down to the water filtration and pumping system at the river. She had mentioned to Carey the possibility of a hydroelectric project, and she knew he was already working on those schematics. In some ways, she envied Carey and the rest of her engineering staff, working imaginatively to build something new.  But she knew her work, to get them back on Voyager, back on track to home, was more important.

“You attending the big ceremony tonight, B’Elanna?” It was Chakotay, jogging up to meet her on her way to Bunkhouse C.  

“I am. You?”

“I have a meeting with Tuvok and then I’ll be there.  I hear there’s an after party,” he winked at her. 

B’Elanna hesitated, not sure what Chakotay already knew.  

Lieutenant Thorson had been brewing beer.  Or at least that was the scuttlebutt. A science officer, he had been assigned to cultivation, but how exactly he had procured all the ingredients for the beer was a mystery.  Word had spread through the crew that after the grand opening of the sewage system this afternoon there would be an after party of sorts, into the night. 

“It’s okay, B’Elanna, I already know,” Chakotay said, patting her on the back.  “Kathryn thinks it will be good for morale, and I can’t imagine Thorson has enough beer brewed to create much of a problem.  Have fun for me!”

“You’re not coming?” she asked, as he trotted away.

“Kathryn and I decided to keep a safe distance; let everyone relax.”  He turned to head back into the Work House.

 

***

 

The entire crew attended the ceremonial opening of the septic system.  Janeway’s speech, which made use of various alien words for shit, went over quite well.  Neelix announced that dinner would be served outside in the square, and Janeway, Chakotay and Tuvok made a very obvious exit before the end of dinner.

Thorson and several other science officers rolled several giant storage barrels out from… where?  Where in the world had those been hidden? They were full of beer, and the party atmosphere was in full swing.  The air was sticky, but the sky was clear. The beer wasn’t bad, but then, having gone over a month without even a drop of synthehol, everyone’s standards were low.  B’Elanna, Harry, Sue Nicoletti, and Vorik sat together, the others (except Vorik) on their third glasses, and B’Elanna, always thankful for her Klingon genes in these situations, on her fourth or fifth.  Harry, who was flushed and clearly a little drunk already, was sharing anecdotes from life in Bunkhouse A with Janeway. B’Elanna and Sue exchanged amused glances; nobody in Bunkhouse A, male or female it seemed, had been walking to and from their bunks in their underwear.  Even B’Elanna had adapted to that lifestyle lately, and had enjoyed the blush that rose on Tom’s cheeks the few times he had run into her like that. Especially now that she had been able to switch to her non-Starfleet underwear. 

As if summoned by her thoughts, Tom appeared at their table, carrying another round for everyone.

“Where were you?” Harry asked.

“Reconnaissance mission today, and we went long.  We did finally make it all the way to the river fork today, where that forest starts,” he glanced up at B’Elanna.  

“The one with the wild river?” she asked, accepting the drink he was handing her.  

“That’s the one.  Unfortunately, we had already hiked out too long by the time we got there and had to turn around.  We may need to use that shuttle of yours to drop off a team soon so we can go further.”

“Fine with me; it’s almost done.”

“It is?” Harry asked.

“I estimate ten more days,” B’Elanna said.  

“So has Janeway said when the first thermium expedition will be?” Harry asked.

“Certainly the captain will want the surface of this planet scanned first,” Vorik stated.

“I haven’t talked to her about it lately; I’m sure we’ll meet about it soon,” B’Elanna answered.

“Where is the captain anyway?” said Harry.

“Oh, I saw Chakotay earlier.  He said he and Janeway would be keeping their distance so the rest of us could relax,” said B’Elanna, sipping.  This beer got better and better with every glass.

“That reminds me, did I tell you what happened last Friday when Megan was trying to sneak out?” Harry launched back into a Bunkhouse A story.  B’Elanna felt herself relaxing into her chair. This planet wasn’t so bad after all. And the  _ Phoenix _ would be ready for space in just a few days.  They would find a thermium deposit. Maybe two months of mining work and processing.  Carey would do a great job setting that up. How long had they said it would take to repair Voyager with an unlimited supply of thermium?  She started calculating, lazily, in her head, system by system and deck by deck. Yes, maybe they could enjoy summer and fall on this planet and be gone by winter.  Like an extended vacation. Did this planet even have winter? 

She floated in and out of the conversation, as other crewmen floated to and from their table.  Lieutenant Ayala stopped by and shared a story of trying to build one of these outdoor tables with Chell.  B’Elanna giggled out loud, remembering how difficult the relationship between Ayala and Chell had been on the  _ Val Jean _ .  They had certainly overcome their differences lately.  Ayala had even punched Chell once back in the Maquis, but now seemed almost amused of Chell and his inability to ever complete a task.  Ayala and Chell working together, Chakotay and Tuvok working together. Herself in a Starfleet uniform. They had all changed in the past two and a half years.  

Her beer was empty.  

She met Tom’s eyes across the table; he was beckoning at her.  His beer was empty too. Unquestioningly, she got up and followed him to the barrels, which seemed to be providing an endless supply of alcohol.  The real stuff sure hit her harder than the synthehol every did, she thought, as she wove through the groups of tables and people. It was dark now, the sky lit up with stars and the town square lit up by the strings of lights.  

Tom poured four glasses in succession, and handed her two.  She thought they would head back to their original table with this new round, but instead he corrected course to the opposite end of the town hall.

“Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.”

“Lieutenant,” she practically drawled.  “Are you bringing me somewhere to get me drunk?”

“Lieutenant, if I were doing that we would be headed to a very different location right now.”  

They were at the entrance to the Work House.  Still confused, her mind went directly to an image of her and Tom, on top of her desk in the Work House, clothing coming off…  She was vaguely aware that some of her higher brain functions were sliding into the off position, and some more animalistic urges were taking precedence.  She followed him into the Work House, still clutching her two drinks, but more confused as they walked past her own workstation and to the back, to Janeway’s ready room.

Tom made a great deal of noise, shuffling loudly, as he approached the door to the ready room, and she wondered when had he become so clumsy.  The door opened. Janeway and Chakotay were sitting on the couch, their legs touching, a PADD in Janeway’s hand, and nothing in Chakotay’s. 

“Captain, Commander, I thought you two should get a taste of Lieutenant Thorson’s ale, even if you can’t join us tonight,” Tom said, placing the two beers he was carrying on the table between himself and Janeway.

“Thank you, Tom, that’s very kind of you,” said Janeway, lifting her eyebrows.  “Is everyone having a good time?”

“Maybe a little too much of a good time?” Chakotay asked.  B’Elanna wondered why he was looking at her. She was tempted to lean against Tom, but thought better of it.  

“No, I think it’s going to be a great couple hours of relaxation and then everyone is going to head for their own beds.”  He coughed. “Well, we better go.” He took one of the glasses of beer B’Elanna was holding, and carefully, somehow, ushered her out the door of the ready room without touching her.  

“Thanks again, Tom,” that was Janeway, lifting her glass.  Tom and B’Elanna made their way in silence through the Work House, and back out into the world, which now felt significantly cooler.  B’Elanna sensed a moment of hesitation from him as they exited. She followed her own instincts and pulled Tom away from the party, and back up around to the hill behind the Work House.

“Lieutenant,” he said.  “Are you bringing me somewhere to get me drunk?”

“Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around?”

“You obviously had a very different experience at the Academy than I did,” he said, dryly.  B’Elanna found a soft spot high up on the hill and sat, pulling Tom down with her, somewhat aggressively.  They watched the party unfolding below them. She looked for the little out-of-phase animals, who should have been in the clearing down the hill, but couldn’t see any of them.  The noise from the party must be keeping them away, she thought. She could see Harry still holding court in his corner table. She looked for Baytart and Delaney, but couldn’t locate either.  Where in the world did they go? Were they on one of these hills too, hidden in the tall grass?

“You know what this party really needs is music,” he said.

“Music?”

“Definitely,” he said.  “Someone needs to climb up into Voyager and rescue the music database and a speaker.”

“You don’t think Chell’s annoying laugh is good enough?” she teased him.

“Hey, I bet Harry rescued his clarinet.  That could do in a pinch.” They both laughed, and sat in silence again.  

“That was nice of you,” she said, leaning into him probably more than she intended to.

“What was?”

“Bringing beer to Chakotay and Janeway,” she said.  He nodded, sipping thoughtfully. She noticed she had finished her glass again… when had that happened?

“I felt bad for them.  The rest of us have been able to loosen up, shake off some of the Starfleet stringencies from our lives, walk around in our undershirts.  But they have to toe the line, stay aloof, or else it will be anarchy.”

“Did you know everyone is still fully dressed all the time in A with Janeway?” she giggled as she said it, hoping it would remind Tom of how intimate things were becoming in C.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him looking at her, up and down, examining her body. Thinking about her body unclothed? What was he calculating in that quick mind of his?  She thought about his body, unclothed, realized she had yet to see him walking around in his underwear. Well that wasn’t very fair, especially considering what she knew the physical labor had been doing to his upper body; what was going on down below?  She started to reach for him...

Tom stood up very suddenly.  

“Come on,” he said.

“Where are we going now?” she asked.  “Not back to the party, I hope. I like it up here with you.”

“Oh, you’re not going back to the party,” he said.

“Oh,” she almost growled at him, her mind going wild.  Her whole body felt magnetized, drawn to him. 

“Come on,” he said again, pulling her up. 

Oh, the world was spinning a little now.  Nothing staying where it was supposed to, but B’Elanna’s Klingon genes asserted themselves somewhat and she gained some control of her legs.  Since when did her legs feel so fuzzy? Tom put an arm around her torso, and she leaned into him, easily, happily, gripping his upper arms. Thinking about holding those arms down later, as soon as they found somewhere private.  

They slowly made their way down the hill.


	11. DAY THIRTY-ONE

B’Elanna opened her eyes.  It was light out. 

Too much light.

Where was she?  What was the last thing she remembered?  Walking down a hill, arms around Tom, his arms around her.

Oh God.

She sat up so quickly she almost bashed her head on the bunk above her.  She looked around. She was wearing the same clothes as she had been last night.  Nothing was out of place. She had been deposited in her bed, on top of the covers.  Was that one of the cleaning buckets next to her bed? Full of vomit? No, empty. Okay, that much was good.

She saw Tom Paris, stretched out in his bunk directly across from her.  Fully clothed as well, it seemed. She remembered leaning into him last night on the hill.  She remembered everything she had wanted to do to him. Remembered at least half of what she had said and tried to do.  

Oh God.

But none of that had happened.  Or at least… no, nothing. He must have put her right to bed.  

Ugh.

***

 

Chakotay found her while she was packing up her gear in the Work House.  Her head was pounding, but she wanted to focus on her work. Get last night out of her mind.

“Hey,” Chakotay said, pulling up a chair next to her while she picked over the hyperspanners shared by the engineering team.

“Hey,” she said.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she said, crossly.  She did not need a reminder of her behavior last night.  Chakotay studied her.

“You make it home okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I did,” she said.

“You’re in C, right?”

“Yes.”

“With Paris?”

Why did he have to bring this up?  She was getting frustrated with this conversation.

“Yes.  Chakotay, what do you want?” 

“B’Elanna,” he started.  “I just want to make sure you’re okay.  That nobody is making any mistakes.”

“I can take care of myself, Chakotay,” she said.  “Or have you forgotten the bar fight on… what was that station you insisted was safe for a few nights?  When Ayala and I had to go into that seedy trading post...”

“Okay, okay,” he put up his hands.  “You’re right. You’re an adult. You can make your own decisions.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she said, sarcastically.  He winked at her as he walked away. That was one thing about Chakotay - he never took her attitude personally.  

Now that he was gone, she tried to think on why he would be so interested.   She remembered his concerned face in Janeway’s office. Did he think Tom Paris was going to take advantage of her?  If only he knew it was the other way around. 

Then B’Elanna remembered Tom’s awkward shuffling in front of the door to the ready room, his quick exit, and that Chakotay and Janeway were sitting so closely… 

“Oh my God,” she said out loud.  And had Tom figured it out before anyone else?  Wow. Nothing like being planetside to encourage people to start coupling up.  Everyone except her and Tom, it seemed.


	12. DAY FORTY

“So the  _ Phoenix _ is space-worthy,” said Janeway.  They were finally sitting down for their meeting.

“Yes, Captain,” said B’Elanna.  “She could use a shakedown cruise or two, but she’s functional.”

“Excellent work, Lieutenant Torres.  I think we are all aware Lieutenant Paris has been anxious to fly again.  You two can take her out for low surface scans tomorrow for her shakedown cruise.  And then orbital scans perhaps the next day, or even...”

“Captain,” B’Elanna interrupted.  ”If it’s all the same to you, I would rather send Nicoletti _.” _

Janeway studied B’Elanna’s face carefully.

“Are you sure about that, Lieutenant?”

“It should be Nicoletti; she’s highly competent with the shuttlecraft,” B’Elanna said.  “And I have a great deal of work that needs to be done here. Harry has been asking for my assistance with the Doctor’s holoemitter.”  All of these things were true, but so were the unspoken things. 

“Fine, I’ll let her and Tom know,” Janeway said.  “Dismissed.”

“Yes, Captain, thank you,” she stood to leave.

“And B’Elanna,” Janeway’s eyes were serious, “On a personal note, I want to thank you for your discretion.  In all matters.”

“Of course, Captain,” B’Elanna answered quickly.  

 

***

 

B’Elanna had gone straight from her meeting with Janeway to do a final check of the  _ Phoenix _ .  She sat in the copilot seat, hands on the console, staring at the empty pilot’s seat, and the powered down helm control.  She pictured Tom, swinging easily into that seat, starting up the preflight. He would be so happy to be back at the helm, so at ease.  She wished she could be here tomorrow to see him, back in his element. She thought about when things had been easy between them, friendly.  Before she had made a mess of things the night of the party. 

She had been avoiding Tom as much as possible, and was almost proud of her ability to steer clear of him.  Her emotions had progressed through some strange series of steps. First, deep embarrassment over the way she acted had evolved into gratitude that he had put her to bed and that nothing had happened.  Gratitude gave way to disappointment that he had put her to bed and nothing had happened, and then some sort of strange sadness for what could have been. 

Always she landed back on anger, and rage.  Anger at herself for misinterpreting his friendliness as something more.  Anger at him for being so damn friendly in the first place. Rage at herself for ruining a friendship like this.  

Letting Tom in had been a mistake, she decided.  How could she have been so foolish? She had let him in too close, thought he wanted to be in that close.  She wouldn’t make that mistake again. She was meant to go on alone, as always. Things tended to work out better for her that way, anyway.  

She left the shuttle, went to close the ramp behind her.  She might as well go see how high the stack of PADDs on her desk was, and get started on that.  At least that was a mess she could make sense of. 

She turned to head back to the settlement, and saw him walking in long paces toward the shuttlecraft, toward her.  

Tom Paris.

_ Fuck _ .

“B’Elanna, hey!”

“Tom,” she said, coldly, continuing her quick pace back to the settlement.  He matched her steps, right beside her. 

“So I’m taking the  _ Phoenix  _ out tomorrow,” he said.

“I know,” she said, annoyed.  “If you’re here to give her a final assessment don’t bother: she’s ready.”  

“Actually I’m here to ask why you assigned Nicoletti to the away team?”

“Sue is a great engineer.”

“I know she is, but I thought since you were the one who rebuilt the  _ Phoenix _ …”

“I have other things to do, Tom,” she cut him off.  She was angry now. Angry at herself, yes, but angry at him for not knowing when to just stay the fuck away.  “I’m staying here and Nicoletti is going to be your engineer on the  _ Phoenix _ .  I know you’re used to getting what you want, so maybe this is a new experience for you.  If you have a complaint, you can bring it to Janeway. Otherwise, leave me alone.”

She truly didn’t intend to, but she physically pushed him away from her, and started her march back to the settlement, praying he wouldn’t follow her.  But the man just didn’t know when to quit, and kept up right behind her.

“What’s this about, B’Elanna?” he said, almost angrily.  

“It’s not about anything, Tom,” she shot back.  “What makes you think it always has to be about you, anyway?”

“I never said it was about  _ me _ ,” he said. “Are you trying to avoid me, B’Elanna?  I haven’t seen you at all in about a week, and that’s pretty impressive considering we sleep about three meters away from each other…”

“It’s not about  _ anything _ , Tom,” B’Elanna said, turning quickly and facing him.  She was so angry at him for doing this to her. So angry at herself for letting him do this to her.  

“Well something has changed, and I…” he started.

“Look,” she interrupted him, “I have a job to do here, you have a job to do here, let me do my fucking job, Tom, and just leave me alone.”  Rage consumed her. She turned again, heading back to the settlement, leaving Tom standing alone in the tall grass.


	13. DAY FORTY-ONE

The  _ Phoenix _ had departed that morning, with one Tom Paris and one Sue Nicoletti aboard for the shakedown flight.  They were hoping to cover at least the northern hemisphere of this planet today, and, if they were extraordinarily lucky, to find a large deposit of thermium today.

B’Elanna had skipped the informal departure ceremony that morning, getting an early start on the pile of PADDs at her desk, meeting with Carey to discuss engineering priorities.  It was late morning now, and she was sitting at her desk with Harry, finally working together on the Doctor’s holoemitter. It was unfortunate that it had failed when the Doctor had only just acquired it a few weeks ago.  B’Elanna felt confident that if she had had more time to study it while it was functional, she would be able to fix it now. 

“So as far as we can tell,” Harry was saying, “there isn’t any thermium in the emitter.  So why was it one of the first systems to go down after we went through the nebula?” 

“It’s possible the nebula affects more than just thermium,” B’Elanna said, as she carefully used her instruments to pull apart the inside of the emitter.  

Harry frowned.

“We didn’t find anything wrong with any other systems on Voyager,” he reminded her.  “It’s only been components containing thermium…”

“I know,” she said, “But it’s the best answer I can come up with right now.  Can you get that sequencer in there and we can try another diagnostic?”

They worked in silence for a few moments.

“So what happened between you and Tom?” Harry asked, suddenly.  

“What do you mean?” B’Elanna focused on the work in front of her, attempting to conceal all the sharp emotional edges from her voice.

“Just I haven’t seen you two together in a while…”

“I’ve been busy,” she said, simply, still focused on her work.  Inwardly, she cringed. How much had Harry noticed anyway? And how much did he know about what had happened?  

“I thought so,” Harry said, perhaps too casually.  

“Okay, let’s do another diagnostic,” she said, glad to change the subject back to their work.  Harry moved the coupling unit over for her, and she set the emitter in place, ready for another diagnostic.  

“It’s just that Tom doesn’t seem like himself lately,” Harry continued.

She set down her instruments, glared at Harry.  

“Oh, and that’s something I’m supposed to be worried about?  If Tom Paris is acting like himself or not?” she bit the words out at Harry, much more harshly than she had intended. Normally, Harry Kim was one of the few people on Voyager who couldn’t get under her skin, but not today.  Definitely not today. 

Harry finally got the hint, putting his hands up in mock surrender.

“Okay, okay, Maquis,” he said.  “Let’s get this diagnostic done and see if we need to decompile this thing.”


	14. DAY FORTY-SEVEN

The news had been disappointing but unsurprising on the first day the  _ Phoenix _ had returned: no thermium on this planet.  And so the search had continued, for six days now, into this system.  Janeway added Harry Kim to the shuttle crew, to help with sensor adjustments as needed, and now Tom, Harry, and Sue were gone daily, often for more than 14 hours as they ranged further and further, scanning for thermium.

B’Elanna had thrown herself into the projects at the settlement, working through a list of tasks to be completed, wiring up new, better lighting in the bunkhouses that would come online when the hydroelectricity started working.  She had continued on without Harry in trying to get the Doctor’s holoemitter functional again. Those had been two days with lots of swearing and frustration. So this morning, when Carey gave her the list of components he needed pulled from Voyager for her approval, she told him she would go get them herself.  It was a small list of easy-to-remove pieces, and she was looking forward to the solitude that the task required. 

B’Elanna hadn’t been in Voyager in several weeks, and the interior air had grown only hotter and more stale.  B’Elanna still needed a supplemental oxygen unit as she moved around. Carey’s list of components had been short, but to access them she had to crawl over practically the entire ship.  She hadn’t been on Voyager’s bridge since that first day on the planet, and she felt chilled and uneasy in that dark space, caught herself staring at the empty chair at the helm.

She had been missing Tom, and she couldn’t understand why.  It had to be some sort of nostalgia, she had decided. There had been a time when they had been good friends, had enjoyed each other’s company.  She missed his friendship, the way he made her feel strangely special.

And Harry’s words had echoed in her head.  Tom wasn’t the same. Was it because he was also embarrassed about how she had acted the night of the party?  Upset she had wanted to cross the line with him? Or perhaps he was willing to forgive that behavior, and continue on with their friendship?  He was an attractive man; surely women had thrown themselves at him before and perhaps he knew how to forget about such things? She hated thinking of herself as the latest in a long line of women throwing themselves at Tom Paris.  

Maybe he would still want to be friends, after all?  Maybe a little less close than they had been before, but friends nonetheless.  

By the time she got down to Main Engineering she was pouring sweat, tired from the crawling and climbing.  She found what Carey needed, placed the components in her pack, almost zipped it shut before she recalled that there was something else she wanted to do.  

She found the largest storage device she could in the storage locker, remembering only when she went to hook it up to the computer that these memory sticks depended on several parts with thermium in them.  She cursed. No matter, this was a simple enough device. She could rewire it.

For almost two hours she sat hunched on the floor of engineering, rewiring the storage device by the light of her flashlight.  Satisfied her work was complete, she plugged it into the appropriate port and used her PADD to instruct it to download. While the download continued, she climbed on top of one of the engineering consoles, located the item she wanted above that console, and used her hyperspanner to cut and remove the component.  

Finally, everything in her pack, she started the climb back down to the ramp, and back out into the world.  

She sighed happily as she hit the now cool evening air, happy to be out of the suffocation of Voyager’s interior.  She had happened to egress as the  _ Phoenix _ came in for a landing, unmistakably under the control of Tom Paris.  She cringed at the timing. She would prefer to keep up her avoidance protocol for now, at least until she figured out how to approach friendship again.    

B’Elanna increased her pace, and began her circuit of the settlement, delivering components to the various crewmembers who needed them, taking her time.  She knew the away team would go to the Work House first for a briefing with the Captain, and she intended to be back at her cubicle directly after their departure.  

She really could have written an instructional pamphlet on avoiding people.

B’Elanna finally returned to the Work House, all but two components delivered, and settled in at her cubicle, checking off lists, completing calculations.  She was lost in thought and didn’t hear the footsteps coming up behind her. 

“Hey,” she heard Harry’s voice, and turned in her chair to see Harry and Tom standing right outside her cubicle.  

“Hi,” she responded, keeping her eyes on Harry.  “Any luck today?”

“No,” Harry said.  “And we’ve pretty much exhausted the range of the shuttle.  We’re going to have to start multi-day missions. The Captain wants the  _ Phoenix _ prepped for a two week mission, departing in three days.”

“I’ll add it to the list,” B’Elanna responded, quickly turning to find the correct PADD.  Tom was certainly being uncharacteristically silent, although she had very pointedly not looked at his face yet.  For all she knew he had a muzzle on him.

“Oh, and Nicoletti is off the away team,” Harry added.  “Janeway thought it was redundant to have both of us on the  _ Phoenix _ .  You can add her back to the Engineering roster.”

“Thanks for letting me know,” B’Elanna said, eyes turning back to the PADD in her hands.  It occurred to her, a few seconds later, that both men were still standing there. She looked up again.

“Anything else?” she almost hissed.

“Actually,” Harry said, “the Captain insisted that Tom and I take the next two days off before we ship out.”  He looked at Tom.

“We had talked about trying to do that hike into the woods, at the river fork,” Tom said.  “Get some exercise before we’re cooped up for several days. You should come too.”

She hesitated.  She wanted to go.  She had missed them both.  It would be nice to have the threesome back together again.  And with Harry there to provide a buffer, they might actually have fun.  Surely this would be a good way carefully bring Tom back into orbit as a friend?  Very carefully.

“Sure, I would like that,” she said.

“Great!  Let’s meet at the  _ Phoenix _ at 0700,” Harry said, looking relieved.  

“Don’t be late,” Tom added, as he and Harry walked off.  She rolled her eyes, but cringed on the inside, wondering if she had just made a terrible mistake.  


	15. DAY FORTY-EIGHT

Harry was not at the  _ Phoenix  _  when she arrived at 0658, hiking pack on her back, wearing her civilian clothes.  The ramp was down, and she saw Tom working through preflight inside. 

“Where’s Harry?” she asked, warily.  

“You know, he decided at dinner last night that he wanted to stay at the settlement today,” Tom responded.  “I think he mentioned something about practicing clarinet. I’m going to be seeing enough of him over the next couple weeks anyway.”

She closed her eyes, cursing herself.  She should have foreseen this. What the hell had she gotten herself into?   _ Damn you, Harry Kim.  _  Her mind started to churn, looking for her own excuse to get the hell out of this shuttlecraft.

“You know, I…” she started.  

“Can you check out that third inertial dampener on the starboard?” Tom interrupted.  “It’s been acting a little funny.” He motioned her to sit down in the copilot chair and then turned back to his own console.  Was he actually oblivious to her annoyance and the awkwardness of the situation, or was he just ignoring it? She dropped her pack, and sat, bringing up the diagnostics on the inertial dampener in question.

“This readout look fine to me; do you want me to open it up and check it manually?” she asked.  “What has it been doing, exactly?”

“Nah, I’m sure it’s fine,” he said.  “Let’s go.”

The ramp was already closing behind her.

_ Damnit.  Damnit damnit damnit.   _

The flight to the forest was quick, and silent.  Tom focused on his flying. B’Elanna pulled her knees up into her body, and watched the scenery moving by below them.  She remembered seeing that herd of animals during that first flight of the  _ Phoenix _ .  Nobody had spotted them since. 

“Right there, that’s where I’m going to put her down,” Tom declared, pointing to a level area right where the prairie ended and the forest began.  He seemed so content at the helm, so perfectly in place. 

“You must be happy to be flying again every day,” B’Elanna commented without thinking.

“I am,” he said.  “Or at least I was.  The first couple days were great.  Harry and Sue make good company, and it was nice to be back in the cockpit, but...”  Tom paused his train of thought to finish setting the  _ Phoenix  _ down.

“But?” B’Elanna prompted, as he powered down the vessel.

“But it’s isolating, being away from the settlement for such long hours every day.  Your bunk is, what, a few meters away from mine and I feel like I haven’t seen you at all in the last ten days.  And after all that physical labor, sitting in a cockpit for fourteen hours just doesn’t feel right.”

B’Elanna nodded, more to herself than to him.  Of course Tom was going crazy cooped up with just two other people for long workdays.  He was the most social creature she had ever met, always looking for someone new to talk to, needing to entertain a crowd.  It sure didn’t bode well for any long-term relationship. 

_ Stop it, stop it, stop it.   _

They both grabbed their packs, closing the  _ Phoenix _ behind them.

“Didn’t you hate being stuck by yourself working on the  _ Phoenix _ ?” Tom asked.

“I guess a little,” B’Elanna admitted.  “It has been nice working in the settlement this past week.  I hadn’t seen Kes in forever. It sounds like she and Neelix are having some trouble.”

“See! And I miss out on the gossip when I’m stuck in a shuttlecraft twenty-thousand kilometers away!” Tom said.  He had picked out something that could pass for a trail right by the river, and their hike had started in earnest.

“It’s not gossip if you hear it firsthand, and you better not spread that.  She told me that in confidence over breakfast the other day,” B’Elanna said.

“You know me, Mr. Discretion,” he quipped.  

She narrowed her eyes, remembering something she had meant to ask him. 

“Hey, that reminds me, Mr. Discretion, how did you know about Janeway and Chakotay?”

“Know what?” he said, mock innocently.  

“About, you know,  _ them _ .  Janeway all but confirmed it for me a few days ago and thanked me for my own discretion.  And I’m embarrassed to say it surprised me. Chakotay is one of my best friends and I had no clue.”  She recalled, a moment too late, that in bringing this up she was indirectly referencing the night of the party, and hoped they wouldn’t be pursuing that conversation topic.

“You haven’t been sitting right in front of them on the bridge for the past two years like I have,” he said.  “They’ve been on a collision course for a while; I think the new situation on this planet finally sealed the deal, so to speak.  If it’s any consolation, I’m fairly certain nobody else knows, and I wasn’t sure myself until we confirmed it that night of the party.  That mission to deliver beer was not  _ entirely _ innocent.”

They were again circling too closely to that topic, and she panicked and quickly changed the subject.

“Did you hear about the other day when Jenny Delaney convinced Vorik to go swimming?”

“No! I’ve been missing all the good stuff!”

“I happened to be down by the river with Carey working through some design issues for the hydroelectric project, and saw the whole thing.  Apparently splashing someone ‘is not a social norm.’” Tom laughed so hard he almost snorted.

“You know, when you’re done with that hydroelectric project, I have a great project for you,” he said.

“Oh?”

“A car,” he said.

“A what?” she said.

“An automobile,” he said.  “You know, old-fashioned, four wheels…”

“I know what a car is, Tom,” she said.  “Why in the world do we need a car?”

“To get around!  Think about it, even if you get the whole shuttlecraft fleet fixed up…”

“That’s absurd!  Didn’t cars run on combustion engines?  What would we use for fuel? What’s the point of it when we...:”

“It would have to be a manual transmission too, but that part would be just for fun,” he added.  

“The whole thing is just for fun, Tom,” she said, rolling her eyes although he could not see her face.  Still, his excitement was a little infectious. Maybe there was good reason to have some sort of land roving automobile available to them.  She tucked the idea into the back of her mind, to be revisited at a more opportune moment, perhaps with input from someone a little more reasonable.  

They continued on in this way, matching paces, taking turns blazing the trail.  They stopped for an early lunch of emergency rations, perching on boulders right over the river.  Tom was an excellent hiking companion. B’Elanna was surprised they still had so much to talk about.  She had forgotten how easy he was to talk to, and was disappointed with herself for allowing things to become so cold between them for so long.  Not that two weeks was much of an eternity, but she had missed his friendship, the companionship. That was the meaningful element in their relationship: friendship.  She had allowed herself to get swept up in her own Klingon urges, swept up in an impossible daydream, and had lost touch with reality. She wouldn’t let that happen to their friendship again.  

“You know,” he commented, several hours into their expedition, “I had hoped there would be a waterfall up here somewhere.”

“I really like the rapids,” she offered.  

“I know, but a waterfall would have added some romance to this outing.”  

She was glad she was hiking ahead of him and needn’t obviously avoid eye contact.

“What time do you need to get the  _ Phoenix _ back?” she asked, quickly changing the topic.  “We may need to turn around soon anyway.”

“Janeway didn’t specify,” he said.  “But Sue told me she heard Thorson’s got another batch of beer ready to go, and there are plans for a gathering at the swimming area tonight.  So as long as we’re back in time to check on that.”

_ Ugh, why do we keep circling this topic. _

“Well I need to get some serious work done on the  _ Phoenix  _ so maybe we should head back soon,” she said, stopping so suddenly that he ran into her.  The mere mention of beer and parties had unnerved her. She felt a mixture of rage and shame rising up within her, and regretted that now he could see her face.  

“What? No, the  _ Phoenix _ functioning perfectly.  You can get the prep done in a day.  I’m not in a hurry. I’m only going to the party tonight to have a beer or two and make sure nothing gets out of control.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked.  She couldn’t help herself, her defenses were up.  Was he referring to her behavior last time? Now they were standing facing each other, which was exactly what she had been trying to avoid, and talking about this topic which was also exactly what she was trying to avoid and how had this happened?  Things had been going so well just a few moments ago. 

“Well, last time Thorson was serving things got a little hairy.  Did nobody complain about this to you? I’m the one who shut down the party last time.  After I got you to bed, I went back to the square, told Thorson we needed to wrap things up, and I made Vorik help me move the beer barrels.  Everyone was getting sloppy. I’ve been to enough parties to know when things are about to turn, and this one had already turned. As it was, I still broke up two fights that night,  _ and _ stopped Ensign Chorn from getting a little too handsy with Colborn, who was not appreciating it.”

“Oh,” she was stunned.

“I figure I’ll go show my face down at the beach this evening, maybe have a beer or two, and just generally make sure things don’t get out of control.  It’s been a stressful month for everyone, but I know what it’s like to wake up full of regret after a night of drinking, and I don’t want that to happen to anyone.  Especially the people who are important to me.” 

He was looking pointedly at her, now, and for the first time in a few weeks she felt herself becoming aroused at his nearness, the light sheen of sweat on his brow and body.  What was it with her and sweat anyway? And why did they have to end up on this planet with such a hot climate? 

Her breath and heart quickened, although she was standing still, and she felt Tom starting to lean in toward her.  What was happening? 

But she couldn’t trust him, and certainly couldn’t trust herself.  Not this time. No, no, she needed to keep control of the situation.  Keep the friendship. 

“I think it’s time to head back,” she said, and quickly lunged around to the other side of him, almost knocking him over in her pursuit of an escape route.  She did not look back at his face, but heard him following behind her seconds later, and for the first time that day the silence seemed very, very uncomfortable.  She took deep breaths, trying to clear her mind, extinguish the hormones raging in her body. 

After several minutes, Tom started up with a new conversation topic, and some measure of ease returned to their conversation.  But the hike back was certainly far more fraught than before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this during our Memorial Day Weekend heat wave. That's why everyone is so damn sweaty all the time.


	16. DAY FORTY-NINE

Tom and Harry were leaving tomorrow morning for their long range search for thermium. B’Elanna had checked the  _ Phoenix _ as thoroughly as possible, and the ship had been stocked with enough resources for a two week mission, although they should only be gone ten days.  Unfortunately, the long-range communications array that Vorik had been rebuilding was still only partially functional, so Tom and Harry would be out of contact for much of their mission.   

B’Elanna was laying in her bunk, unable to sleep, staring at the now-empty bunk above her.  Megan Delany had recently moved out of Bunkhouse A and into C, and with some finagling she and Seth Baytart had managed to carve out some privacy in the opposite corner of C, utilizing some thermal sheeting.  Although Tom had originally referred to himself and B’Elanna as the “camp counselors” of Bunkhouse C, neither of them had raised any objections. She wondered if Janeway had noticed that Megan was no longer sleeping in Bunkhouse A.  Then wondered if Janeway herself was even sleeping in A that often anymore. She had no idea, and wished Chakotay weren’t so private about everything. She made a mental note, again, to try to keep up better on that friendship. She had been so busy, so distracted lately.  

She rolled to her side.  Tom was in his bunk, just a few meters away, facing her, eyes closed, sleeping.  She wanted to crawl into that bed with him, curl up in his arms, feel his even, sleepy, breath on her neck.  She was worried about him, going on this ten day mission, although she wasn’t sure why. Tom had gone on plenty of long range shuttle missions while they were still on Voyager, and she had never particularly worried for his safety before.  

She was going to miss him, although it took great mental strength for her to admit that even to herself.  They hadn’t exactly spent a ton of time together in the past month, but knowing he was sleeping in the bunk next to her every night had apparently brought her a measure of peace, and now he was going to be gone.  And she had very much enjoyed the hike they had gone on together yesterday, or at least the first part of it. Tom was a wonderful friend. 

Her brain continued in overdrive, and sleep wouldn’t come.  She ached to be close to him. She pictured herself creeping across the chasm between bunks, sliding in with her back up against his torso.  She pictured his strong arms coming around her, and him burying his face into her hair, not completely waking up. She pictured them breathing at the same pace, her falling asleep, and then waking up next to him, just like that.

That wasn’t how this would go.  Not at all. Why did her brain insist on these unreasonable fantasies?  She turned the other way, trying to separate herself from her unmanageable emotions.  Why did she have to be half Klingon? Half Vulcan would have been so much easier for everyone.  


	17. DAY FIFTY-NINE

“Aren’t you supposed to be taking the day off?” Chakotay interrupted her train of thought.

“What? Oh. This is a personal project,” B’Elanna answered.

“What is it?” Chakotay leaned over her.  She was in her work cubicle, tools and parts spread out before her, carefully deconstructing and rebuilding the component she had pulled out of engineering not so long ago.

“Just something Tom had mentioned,” she said.

“Oh?”

“I thought it would be nice for him and Harry when they got back,” she responded, trying to prevent further questioning.  “It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“Will it be done in time? They’re supposed to back tomorrow,” he said.

“It will,” she said.  “Did you need something or are you just here to interrupt my work flow?”

“No, well, yes, two things” he said.  “Kathryn and I have been talking about sleeping arrangements.”

“Oh?” She wondered where in the hell this conversation was going.  

“We all know about Baytart and Delaney over in C,” he said.  “Not a very tight little ship you and Tom are running over there, is it?” He winked at her.

“Chakotay, they’re both adults, and so far it hasn’t been a problem…”  He stopped her with a wave of his hand.

“No, no, I’m here to say that Kathryn and I think maybe it’s time to give the crew more privacy, since we’re going to be here for a while.  Even once we find a source of thermium, this planet will be our base of operations. Maybe for a long time. We were wondering if it would be possible to put up more walls in the bunkhouses.  How long that would take, what it would look like, what sort of resources that would require.”

She thought about it.

“You know, if we built just two more bunkhouses, we should have enough space to split them into some sort of apartments, enough so that we could get it back to like it was on Voyager - officers with private quarters, and crewmen bunking up in twos.”

“Can you and Carey draw up some plans for that for the Captain?  Energy needs and timeline?”

“Yes.  I can have that for her tomorrow.  What was the second thing?” She asked.  Chakotay had a twinkle in his eye.

“Did you hear there is a non-regulation Parrises squares court out past the cultivation area?” he asked.

“I did hear that rumor this morning at breakfast,” she said, grinning, setting down her hyperspanner.  “Why? You looking to get beat at Parrises squares, Commander?”

“No, but I thought it would be fun to kick your ass.”

“You’re on,” she said.  “What time? 1700?”

“1700; I’ll meet you there,” he said, standing.  “Good luck with that, whatever it is,” he motioned to her project as he left.  

“Yeah,” she acknowledged him, glad to have an opportunity to work out some of her emotions on the Parrises squares court.

She turned her attention back to the project at hand.  Her mind was elsewhere, as always, drawing up the plans for the new bunkhouses and apartments.  Her good mood dissipated as she worked through the construction of the apartments in her mind. She would like more privacy, her own quarters again, true.  Somewhere to hide after a hard day of work. She wouldn’t miss the snoring or constantly over-hearing everyone else’s conversations. But Tom had been gone for nine days now, his bunk across from her empty, and when she pictured herself laying in her own space, alone, for the next year (or years?), she felt strangely bereft.  

That deep pit of loneliness began to blossom in her stomach again, consuming her.  


	18. DAY SIXTY-EIGHT

Tom and Harry had not arrived home yet.  It had been eighteen days, and there was no sign of them.  B’Elanna had calculated over and over how far their supply of rations could be stretched.  She thought back to all the work she had done on the shuttlecraft. Was there a system she had skipped over somehow?  A loose bolt in a compartment? What in the world had happened to them?

The whole settlement felt anxious, their collective heart rate doubled.  Janeway offered many encouraging words, both to the senior staff and the entire crew, but her speeches bounced right off B’Elanna.  She was so unsettled, she still couldn’t sleep at night, laying awake, looking at Tom’s bunk, wondering at what point they would put away his and Harry’s things and reassign their bunks.

Only her Klingon genes kept her silent despair from turning to choking, gasping sobs.  


	19. DAY SEVENTY-TWO

B’Elanna rounded the top of the hill, the cultivation area coming into view, and slowed to a walk, her morning run complete.  The clean air filled her lungs, the sun poked over the hills warming her skin in the cool morning air. Morning runs had usually helped to clear her head, coaxing out the best of her, and allowing her to shed her more extreme tendencies.  She had started up her running again just two weeks ago, hoping to work off some psychic tension. It had helped at first, but then the clock had run over on the away mission, Tom and Harry were missing, and, well, even a 10 kilometer run couldn’t clear her heart. 

The weather was changing on the planet.  The days were still warm, but less hot, and the infrequent rains had become even less frequent.  It was getting cold at night, and many of the crew had requested to go back into Voyager to collect their cold weather items.  B’Elanna always struggled in the cold, and had taken the blanket from Tom’s still perfectly-made bunk one night to help herself keep warm.  

It smelled like him.  This did not help. 

The new bunkhouse, Bunkhouse D, was complete, and work on Bunkhouse E would begin soon.  Just today the inner walls of apartments in Bunkhouse D had started to go up, and plumbing was being installed.  Bathrooms and showers would still be shared, but more privacy was coming. There was soon to be a lottery to determine apartment assignments, and nearly everyone was eager to get one of the first assignments in Bunkhouse D.  

The whole thing just served as a reminder of how lonely she felt.

She paused at the top of the hill, standing next to the first field in the cultivation area.  The cultivation area had a great view of the settlement, people were moving purposefully from one place to another in the early morning light.  She spotted Tuvok and Neelix in conversation, and Kes busily making her way to the Work House. Then she heard shouting, and shielded the sun with her hands to look for the source.  Suddenly there was more shouting and it seemed everyone turned to look, and started pointing. What were they looking at? She squinted into the blue sky.

It was the  _ Phoenix _ .

She gasped, breaking back into a run back to the settlement.

She made it down quickly, but it seemed the entire crew had come out to greet the shuttle.  She was near the back of the crowd, working to fight her way to the front. The  _ Phoenix _ touched down, and Tom and Harry appeared at the ramp almost simultaneously, both looking dirty, tired, and defeated.   

Later that day she would be thankful to have been at the back of the crowd, the distance being the only thing that kept her from kissing Tom Paris right then and there.  

 

***

 

A meeting of the senior officers was called immediately, in Janeway’s ready room.  B’Elanna was still wearing her workout clothes from her run, but Chakotay was still wearing pajamas.

It was bad news.

“The nebula, it’s everywhere,” Harry said, quietly.  He looked so tired. “We followed it all the way around this system.”

B’Elanna had never seen Janeway looking so grave.  Chakotay and Tuvok too, although she didn’t quite understand how Tuvok could look more serious than he normally did.  Her gaze kept falling back to Tom, who sat just beside Harry, letting him take the lead delivering the news. Tom was rubbing the beginnings of a red gold beard.  

“On the ninth day,” Harry continued, “we were about to head back here with the news, but we came across a fleet of starships, just sitting in space.  Our scans showed no lifesigns. We docked and boarded. It was…” he choked a bit. “Captain, it’s what would have happened to us if we hadn’t made it to this planet.  The ship was dark and cold. Everyone was dead. Everyone. And it wasn’t just one ship, there were thirteen of them. Colonists, I would guess. There were children.”  He paused, processing. Was that grief in his eyes? Tom was remained silent beside him. B’Elanna had to keep looking away when she saw him looking at her. 

“Lieutenant,” Janeway said, looking at Tom, prompting him to continue the narrative.

“We stayed on the that ship for a full day, Captain,” Tom said.  “We worked to pull their navigational data from what we hoped was their helm, and I think we were successful.”

“Why the further delay, gentlemen?”

“We hadn’t realized while we had been docked to the ship that we had drifted into some sort of asteroid belt,” Tom said.  “We were on the alien vessel, the shuttle was powered down. There was no warning.” 

“Not asteroids; more like planetesimals,” Harry said.

“We were still docked when we were hit on the starboard by one of the smaller objects.  We lost helm control, navigation…” Tom added.

“We lost almost all systems,” Harry said.  “It took two full days of work in environmental suits just to get the impulse drive running again, and then Tom piloted us away from the ghost ship fleet, and out of the asteroid belt, with minimal helm control and no navigation.”

Janeway looked to Tom, the beginnings of amusement playing on her lips despite the serious nature of the conversation.  

“You’re beginning to be quite the expert at hands on flying, Lieutenant,” she said to Tom, relieving the solemnity of the room, momentarily.  

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied.  “Although I’m a little surprised Harry survived the stress of that flight.”

Harry shook his head.

“I still can’t believe we made it out of there alive, Captain.  And then it took us five more days to make it back here navigating by the stars and a limping impulse drive,” Harry said. 

“Well, gentlemen, I’m certainly glad your back, but we need to look at that navigational data.  Ensign Kim, you’re certain that the nebula extends around this entire region?”

“Yes, Captain.  I wish I wasn’t.  I’ll pull the navigational data from our system in the shuttle… after it’s back up and running.  But believe me, we tried to find a way through and we couldn’t. It’s a complete sphere around this system, and doesn’t appear to be moving at all.”

“Perhaps the nebula formed at the same time as this planet and the rest of the system,” Tuvok mused.  

Tom had been uncharacteristically silent throughout.  B’Elanna studied his face, discreetly. Despite the new beard, his face looked thinner, tired.  She looked away quickly as his eyes met hers, again. 

“So even if we could get Voyager functioning with replicated thermium components,” Chakotay said, “We would have the exact same problem on our way out of this system.  And need to replace everything again as soon as we pass through the nebula.”

Nobody spoke for a few seconds.  

“Lieutenant Torres,” Janeway was rubbing her temples as she turned to B’Elanna.  “I know previously we’ve spoken about rebuilding the ship systems completely, without thermium.  Have you done more research on that?” 

B’Elanna sighed.  Everyone was looking at her and she felt conspicuous all of a sudden in her workout clothes.  Wished she had had time to change before this meeting. 

“I have done some, and it’s not great news.  The warp core cannot be rebuilt without thermium.  But some things can be, particularly the simple systems.  But Voyager’s most integral systems are complex and it would take years.  In theory, if we could rewire life support, environmental control, impulse engines without the thermium, maybe we could get ourselves across that nebula and find thermium for rebuilding the warp core later.”

“Cruising system to system on impulse engines for years looking for thermium?” Harry asked, looking dubious.

“I didn’t say it was ideal,” B’Elanna said.  

“It might work,” muttered Harry from across the table.  He didn’t sound like he believed it himself. B’Elanna hated when Harry was like this.  His negativity threatened to consume them all. 

Janeway took a deep breath, drawing the room back to her. 

“I do not accept that we are stuck on this planet forever.  I need better answers than this. Lieutenant Torres, we have to find a way to get Voyager functioning without thermium.  I don’t want to hear a report from you until you have found a way.” B’Elanna nodded, and Janeway turned away from her, “Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Paris, you are to report to Sickbay directly after this, and then take a required two days of rest.  Everyone else, continue on with the same tasks as assigned before. We won’t be here forever, but we need to maintain a functioning civilization while we are. Dismissed.” She stood. 

B’Elanna stood as well, watching Tom and Harry exit the ready room on their way to see Kes in Sickbay.  She desperately wanted to follow Tom, picturing herself sinking her body into his, wrapped in his embrace, leaning her head into him and taking in his scent.  What would she say to him?

No, that didn’t make any sense, did it?  She would greet him as a friend, maybe see if he wanted in on the new Parisees squares court.  He would like that. 

She closed her eyes tightly for a moment, clearing her thoughts.  Hoped nobody else had noticed her brief reverie. Then she dashed across the town square back to Bunkhouse C, two tasks to be completed: getting back into uniform, and returning the blanket she had stolen to its rightful place on Tom’s bunk, before he noticed it was missing.  

 

***

 

B’Elanna was back in the silent bowels of Voyager, crawling through Jeffries tubes, oxygen kit fit over her face, and a flashlight in her sweaty hand.  Much of this work could have been done on a PADD, but she always preferred working with her hands, seeing and feeling the systems in question. That, and her workspace was far too close to Sickbay.  It was good to muck around alone in Voyager today. 

If she could find a way to get life support working, that would be a good first step.  At least they could move back into Voyager. It would take a great deal of effort and ingenuity to rebuild the impulse engines without thermium, and she wasn’t entirely sure it could be done.  But life support was the priority, so she was on Deck 12, pulling apart the life support system piece by piece, making notes on her PADD, thinking about old Maquis tricks she had used to keep the  _ Val Jean _ functioning.  

It felt good to be working toward something again.  It felt good to know that Tom was back. Even if he wasn’t hers, would never be hers, he was here and he was present and damnit maybe she would even entertain his crazy idea about building a car.  It would certainly be a fun project for their off hours, although rebuilding Voyager’s systems promised to keep her busy around the clock. 

If nothing else, she reminded herself, she at least had her friend back.  

She hummed to herself as she worked, something she was not accustomed to doing, but in this case her mood was light.  Her humming stopped as she opened a panel revealing one of the bioneural gel packs within the life support system. It was black.  Black and hard. Like a tumor. She had never seen a gel pack like that before. She pulled it out, inspecting it carefully. That was odd.  She crawled to the next panel and opened that to reveal yet another gel pack, hard and black. When was the last time anyone had checked these things?  She didn’t remember noting a problem with the gel packs back when they landed on this planet.

Her good mood began to falter, and her heart beat faster with dread.  She pulled out every gel pack in that section, each was black and hard.  She would have to scan them more thoroughly, but they were clearly not operational.

She worked her way back out the Jeffries tube and into Main Engineering, her footsteps echoing as she circled the silent warp core, her flashlight reflecting off the glass.  It seemed hard to remember a time when that tube had glowed so strongly, powering the ship. 

She found the correct storage compartment, opened it, and almost gasped.

All the gel packs in this storage compartment were black and hard.  All of them. And in the next compartment, and the next. She confirmed it, counting.  Every single gel pack on the ship was non-operational. 

The climb back down and out of Voyager was dark, in more ways than one.  She trudged back to the Work House, several black gel packs in hand. She sat and scanned them, but there was no new information to be had.  Whether this was a delayed reaction to the same nebula that had screwed up their thermium, or perhaps a response to the environment on this planet, she couldn’t be sure.  

She was sure of one thing: Voyager could not run without the gel packs.  The rest of the wiring in the ship was made specifically to integrate with the bioneural gel.  Unless they pulled out  _ all _ the wiring,  _ and  _ found a replacement circuitry system that was sophisticated enough to make the systems function.  Without thermium, of course. 

No.  No, this was even beyond her.  Beyond Harry. Beyond the engineers at Utopia Planitia.

Voyager would never leave this planet.  

 

***

 

Janeway’s face showed her surprised when B’Elanna appeared back in her ready room, just a few hours after she had been sent away with her new assignment.

“Can I talk to you, Captain?” B’Elanna had said, not waiting for a reply as she was already closing the door behind her.  

Janeway was silent, serious, as B’Elanna explained the situation.  B’Elanna almost expected to be reprimanded for her discovery. She feared Janeway would give her new orders, to keep looking for a way to get Voyager functioning again.  B’Elanna had understood immediately, even if nobody else did, that that was now impossible.

Janeway stood from her desk, and went too look out the window.  She had an unimpressive view of the solar generators behind the mess hall, and the hill behind the Work House.  She stood there for a long time. B’Elanna started to become uncomfortable, shifting as she stood.

“Baytart and Delaney were here to see me earlier today,” said Janeway.  “They’ve asked my permission to get married. Did you know they were seeing each other?”  

B’Elanna hesitated before she answered.  

“Well, most of us knew,” she said, cautiously. 

“I was surprised when they came to me,” Janeway said, now turning with a smile to face B’Elanna.  “But, they were happy and excited, told me they want to start a family in a few years.” She paused, turning to the window again.  “This is a good planet. Crops are growing well. We have water. We have our community. But it’s not home.” Silence.

“Captain,” B’Elanna began, “It’s possible I can get a shuttlecraft rebuilt without thermium.  Not easily, but I think it could be done. No warp drive, but probably impulse engines. With that we could get beyond the nebula, maybe find…”  she stopped. Find what? Thermium wouldn’t help, not if they still had to get through the nebula again. Find someone to help them shuttle their people back and forth off the planet?  Get Voyager tractored out of this system and into a system with thermium deposits? A rescue, an exodus, would take a long time to play out completely, and for what purpose if Voyager was beyond repair?  

Janeway was nodding, although B’Elanna couldn’t be sure if it was in response to her words or to Janeway’s internal dialogue.  

“Lieutenant,” she said, finally turning back to B’Elanna, “I know it is a lot to ask of you, but please keep this information about the gel packs to yourself for now.”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Dismissed.”

She left the work house, relieved that Janeway hadn’t asked her to keep looking for a way to get Voyager functional.  She could hear Janeway summoning Chakotay via communicator as she closed the door behind her. 

B’Elanna felt strangely free.  For several years now her one purpose in life was to keep Voyager’s systems functional, to keep her flying.  Now that that was an impossibility, she found her mind was happily engaged in new plans, plans for a more productive water filtration system.  Plans to increase the efficiency of the solar generators, maybe even build better ones. Plans for robotic cultivators. There was so much that still needed to be built and designed here on this planet, to keep civilization running.  Yes, there was a lot to keep an engineer busy, right here.

A little at loose ends for the moment, she checked in on Sue Nicoletti, who was working on repairing the  _ Phoenix _ .  

“Have you heard about the wedding?” Sue asked her.

“Baytart and Delaney? Yes, from the captain, of all people.”

“Isn’t it wild?” Sue continued.  “But I’m looking forward to the party.  Megan told me Thorson is providing the drinks again; should be a good time!”  Sue chattered on, B’Elanna working alongside her for an hour. She had never understood how Sue could talk so much while working, but she always finished her work quickly and competently and B’Elanna appreciated that.  B’Elanna had to remind herself several times to keep the information about Voyager’s gel packs to herself. 

As dusk approached they headed back together to Bunkhouse C, but when B’Elanna got there she noticed Tom’s bunk still empty, untouched.  Was he still in Sickbay? Was something wrong? 

She didn’t think, just turned and walked directly to Sickbay.  She hadn’t been in Sickbay since her own accident and recovery, and the memories were already hazy.

“Hey, B’Elanna,” it was Tom, sitting up on one of the cots.  He still looked like hell, but smiled widely at her. B’Elanna realized she had been driven here by instinct, and hadn’t actually planned what she was going to say.

“I just… I saw you hadn’t been back in C yet.  I wondered if you were okay,” she said.

“He’s fine, just weak and tired,” Kes said.  “It’s perfect timing you’re here. I was just about to release him, but he could use some help getting back to his bunkhouse.”  B’Elanna eyed him, cautiously.

“Kes, you treated me for dehydration, malnutrition, and some minor cuts and bruises.  I’m exhausted, but I think I can get myself home,” Tom said.

“I can help him get across the square,” B’Elanna said, ignoring Tom’s protestations.  

“Thank you, B’Elanna,” Kes said.  Turning to Tom she added, “Now remember you need to  _ rest _ for the next two days.  If I hear about you going to the river it better be just to stick your toes in. If I hear about you climbing a hill I’ll have the Captain take away your flying privileges.”

“Nothing to fly around here right now anyway, but yes, ma’am,” Tom said, standing up.  B’Elanna instinctively moved closer to help him before awkwardly remembering that he was, in fact, capable of walking under his own power.

“I’m okay,” he said.

“Don’t let him go by himself,” Kes said.

“Oh don’t worry, I don’t listen to him anyway,” B’Elanna responded.  “I’ll make sure he gets to his bunk.”

They left Sickbay, out into the dimming copper light of the day.  Although he truly did not need her help, she stayed close, careful not to touch him.  She remembered his strong arms helping her walk this same path from Sickbay not so long ago.  Remembered the touch of his hand on her shoulder from that night not long after. Wished she could feel his arms around her again.  

“Aaaahhhh, the fresh air is so good.  Do you know what Harry smells like after two weeks without a shower?  And now I know how I smell after that long, too. I cannot wait for a good shower.  And a good meal. And to sleep in the bunkhouse again. I’m even looking forward to Chakotay assigning me some manual labor here soon.”

B’Elanna laughed out loud.

“Tom, I had forgotten about how much talking you do.  It’s been very quiet in Bunkhouse C without you.”

“I know, I’m sure you were bereft without me.”

She didn’t say anything.

They had reached C, and she escorted him through the large room, to his bunk in the corner.  

“Lay down, Tom.  I’ll get you some water.  Do you want a PADD or something to read? Or dinner?” 

He shook his head.

“Just water; I think there’s a bottle somewhere here…”

She located his water bottle, trotted back to the bathroom to fill it, and returned.  He was already drifting off to sleep. Everyone was at dinner, and they were alone in the bunkhouse, with the exception of one person showering in the very back.  She was sitting on her bunk, watching him. 

“Thank you,” he murmured, eyes closed.  

“No problem,” she said.

“I kept thinking about you, B’Elanna. I missed you,” he almost whispered to himself, slowly, drifting off to sleep.  

Had she misheard?  If only he knew how much she had missed him, desire coursing through her veins at night, and emptiness in her heart during the day.  Had he missed her like that too? No, certainly not. Or maybe…?

 

***

 

Later that night, B’Elanna lay in her bunk, watching Tom’s sleeping form.  She had discovered and delivered horrible news today to Captain Janeway. She knew that Voyager would never fly again, and that every person here was likely a permanent inhabitant of this planet.  And she didn’t care. Tonight, she would sleep well. She had everything she needed, right here. 

“I missed you, too,” she whispered into the cool bunkhouse air.


	20. DAY SEVENTY-THREE

Tom wasn’t in his bunk when B’Elanna returned from her morning run.  The strange, almost metallic smell of some of the bushes on this planet still clung to her, and she made her way to the showers to prepare for her day.

When she returned to her bunk, clad in only her bra and underwear, she was surprised to find Tom, similarly down to his own boxer-briefs, hair still wet from his own shower.  It appeared he had trimmed his beard but not shaved it. 

“New hobby?” he asked her, as she sat to towel off her hair. 

“Old hobby.  It helps to…” she searched for the right word.  

“Relieve some tension?”  

She nodded, wondering exactly what sort of tension he was referring to.  She turned to busy herself finding clothes, casting about for a new conversation topic.  Something to take her mind off… well, everything that was going on over at his bunk. 

“Did anyone tell you the lottery is at the end of the week?” she queried.

“Yeah, for the apartments,” he said.  “I heard from Sue.”

She checked over her shoulder quickly, noted he had a shirt on, thank God.  Deep breath. She tried to make progress getting herself dressed. 

“You hoping to get a low number?” he asked.

“Well, the privacy would be nice,” she said, not sure what else to say to that.  She was almost done dressing, and turned to face, Tom, who was now fully dressed.

“No more playing camp counselor for us,” he quipped.  

She rolled her eyes.

“Fine job we did, my bunkmate is getting married next week!” she laughed.  

“Well at least they’re making it official,” he said, moving closer to her.  She tensed up at the invasion of her space. She always forgot how much taller he was than her until he stood right next to her.  She thought about his arms around her torso, wondered what his beard would feel like against her cheek. Then tried to not think about that.  Why was he standing so close, anyway? 

“Anyway, there aren’t enough apartments ready to go around, so it will be a slow process,” she said.  “This place will start to empty out.”

“So you’re saying we could be left on our own here in C?” Tom almost whispered at her.

B’Elanna instinctively raised up her arms, blocking his incursion into her personal territory.

“We better get going, Lieutenant,” she said, firmly.  More to herself than to him. 


	21. DAY SEVENTY-SEVEN

The entire crew was gathered together that morning in the town square, each of them having just drawn a lottery number from a pouch, passed around by Neelix.  B’Elanna gripped a tiny bit of plastic that said 132 on it. She would be nearly the last to get private quarters. She didn’t even care about her number, just wondered what number Tom had gotten.

“Okay, everyone, please quiet down!” Neelix was standing on a table, shouting.  “I hope you’re all happy with your lottery numbers! I know Chell is - he got lucky number one!”  Chell’s blue hands raised triumphantly in the air, and there was shouting and groaning coming from various corners.

“Now,” Neelix continued, “if you would all really quiet down - Captain Janeway has an important speech to make.”  He motioned to Janeway, and she climbed up onto the table, as Neelix jumped down. Janeway looked like she had just stepped out of her ready room back on Voyager, hair perfectly set and uniform spotless.  She looked the perfect Starfleet captain, as always. B’Elanna respected her deeply, as a leader and as a person, and felt suddenly sad for Janeway. She knew exactly what Janeway was about to announce. And she knew how badly it must be affecting her.  Kathryn Janeway had spent every moment of the past several years focused on getting them home, and now… now what? Now her reward was to stand here and tell this crowd of people that they would never see their families again. 

“This is your captain speaking,” she started, wryly smiling.  Someone started a slow clap, which spread through the crowd. B’Elanna smiled, joining in.  The crew did love their captain.

“Alright, thank you, yes, thank you,” she said, raising both her hands.  “I am here to give you bad news.” The crew went instantly quiet. “I hope you all read the most recent update, regarding the expansive nature of the nebula.  Having reviewed that data, we determined the best course of action was to rebuild Voyager’s systems without thermium, a project my Chief Engineer assured me was difficult but not impossible.”  The people around B’Elanna glanced at her, and she stared hard at the ground at her feet. Janeway had taken a long pause, and B’Elanna could sense the anxiety rising in the crowd.

“We discovered, not long after initiating those plans, that Voyager’s bioneural gel packs have failed, all of them, including the backups in storage.”  She paused again to let that sink in. B’Elanna searched around the eyes of the crowd. Her engineering staff knew exactly what that meant. She saw horror, sadness in many of their eyes.  Disbelief. The non-engineering officers and crew still looked hopeful. She caught Harry’s eyes, he was standing next to Tom several yards from her place at the back of the crowd. He looked like he was either about to vomit or cry.  He understood. 

“Voyager will not leave this planet,” Janeway continued.  Now the crowd shook with the combined sounds of many people receiving bad news at the same time.  Janeway put her hands up, motioning silence. “But that does not mean we are here permanently. I believe we will find a way to continue our journey to the Alpha Quadrant.  But for now, we must consider this planet our home, and work to further our society here…”

The psychic pain of the crowd was too much for B’Elanna to bear, and she broke away from the crew, although Janeway was still speaking.  She walked quickly and quietly, not caring to hear the rest of the speech, or listen to the questions that Janeway would undoubtedly field.  She saw Joe Carey out of the corner of her eye, hunched next to the mess hall, weeping into his hands. Her soul felt emptied, seeing her colleague like that.  He had a family back on Earth, she knew. A wife and two sons, and he would probably never see them again. She shuddered, didn’t know what to say to him. Kept walking.  

She walked down to the river, to the already much-loved swimming area, and followed the path next to the river for several meters before finding patch of grass to lay on.  She leaned back and felt the sun on her skin. It was nice. She needed to remember to do this more often. 

She somewhat easily banished thoughts of her grieving crewmates from her mind by focusing on her plans for the robotic cultivators.  She had already done a few hours of research on this project, and was mentally preparing a list of parts she wanted to pull from Voyager, and other parts she would need to replicate.  And long term they needed to consider the physical layout of the settlement, and the geography. Oh, and the rest of the shuttlecraft. She was fairly certain Janeway would want all the shuttlecraft functioning, even with thermium, and soon.  She considered who she wanted to pull from other projects to get the shuttlecraft up and running. Let Sue and Vorik do it this time; B’Elanna had had her fill of shuttlecraft repair. 

She was so deep into her current of thoughts, she didn’t notice him approaching, but Tom Paris soon sat beside her, in that strangely easy, familiar way of his.  She wondered why he was here. She was happy he was. 

“You already knew?” he said. She couldn’t tell if it was a statement or a question.  

She didn’t even look at him, kept her eyes closed, and nodded.

“I’m the one who discovered the problem with the gel packs,” she said.  “The day you and Harry returned on the  _ Phoenix _ .”  

“And… you didn’t tell me?” he asked, in mock indignation.  

“Captain’s orders,” she shrugged.

“Well,” he said.  “I guess this means I don’t have to worry about serving out the rest of my sentence at Auckland.”  

“You don’t have to do that,” B’Elanna said.

“Do what?”

“Make it into a joke and pretend you don’t care.”

“I’m not,” he protested.

“You just did,” she said.  

Silence.  

“Fine, maybe I did,” he said.

More silence.

“You’ve had more time to process this than the rest of us,” Tom said.  “How are you doing with it?”

B’Elanna sat up now, opening her eyes, realizing this was going to be a longer conversation than anticipated.  

“I’ve been sitting on this news for a week, Tom. That doesn’t mean I’m okay with it.  But…” she trailed off. 

“But what?”

“I’m not Harry; I don’t have a set of loving parents waiting at home for me.  I don’t have kids like Joe. I don’t think it’s a secret that our time on Voyager has worked out to my advantage in many ways,” she said.

“I’ll say, Chief,” Tom chided her.  She gave him a look.

“But it does make me sad now to think that my parents will never know what happened to me,” she added.  

“That’s what bothers you?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she was sitting up now, resting her chin on her folded arms.  “Weird, I know.”

They sat in silence a little longer, Tom slowly pulling apart a long grass in his fingers.

“That actually makes sense,” Tom finally said.  “I guess I always figured my parents would find out I’ve done okay for myself on Voyager, turned things around. And now they never will.”

“Same,” she nodded.

More silence.

“So is that what you were thinking about just now?” he asked.

“No, I was thinking about the robotic cultivators I want to build…”

“An engineer through and through,” Tom chortled.

“Well there’s a lot to do here, and now that Voyager isn’t my project, I’ve got a million ideas for the settlement…”

Tom was laughing to himself, rubbing his new beard.  

“What are you doing here, anyway?  How did you find me? Did you just come here to make fun of me?” she punched him in the arm.

“Ouch! No, I saw you wander off during Janeway’s speech and figured this wasn’t new information for you.  She gave most of us the rest of the day off to process.”

“Ah,” B’Elanna said.

“So I came looking for you thinking I could convince you to join me at the  _ Phoenix  _ so we can get her spaceworthy again.”

“What?”

“Well, a pilot isn’t a pilot without a ship to fly… and if we have the day off we can spend it however we want…”

She rolled her eyes.  

“And I can’t think of a better way to spend a beautiful day on a beautiful planet, pulling apart plasma relays with the most fascinating woman I’ve ever met, who also happens to be stranded with me here…”

Now she rolled her eyes even harder.  He really could lay it on heavy. She wished she could take his words seriously, but knew better than that.  Fine. If he was going to play that way, she could to.

“So you went to find Sue Nicoletti, and then had to settle for me, ow!” she said.  This time he punched her arm, lightly.

“I was talking about you,” he said.  “Maybe you didn’t hear, but I missed you while I was stranded on the  _ Phoenix  _ with Harry.”

She wished she could make sense of him.  He looked so serious right now, almost pleading.  But she had fucked this friendship up before, and she wouldn’t do it again.  

“I know I’m a far superior bunkmate to Harry,” she replied.  “Let’s go get started on the  _ Phoenix _ if that’s so important to you.”  She started to stand up, but Tom grabbed her arm, stopping her.

“No, now that I think about it, let’s just stay here for a while,” he said.  She thought about removing his hand from her arm. The river was lovely, gliding by them, the long grass waving just barely in the light wind.  It was still morning, and the sun was peeking out from behind Voyager’s hulking mass.

“Fine,” she said, settling back down.  Tom let go of her arm, and laid down, and she did the same, just a meter or so away from him.  They were both on their backs, so she couldn’t see his face as he spoke.

“Good,” he said.  “I know you have robot cultivators to design in your head.  And I, being the lucky holder of plastic chip number ten, have some interior design planning to do for my new private quarters.”


	22. DAY EIGHTY

It was moving day, and B’Elanna was hiding in her cubicle in the workhouse.  Bunkhouse D was opening today, and Tom had already been packing his things when she had woken up this morning.

It was strange to be so emotional about a man packing up his undershirts, but those emotions propelled her out of Bunkhouse C.  A strong cup of coffee from the Mess Hall helped, and she stopped to speak to Kes about getting the biobeds out of Voyager and properly installed in the Sickbay.  She checked on the solar generators, had paused at Harry’s workstation to ask about some components she wanted to pull from the main computer, and now was sifting through the PADDs on her desk.  The news that they were permanently stranded on this planet was still very fresh, but B’Elanna was pushing hard to figure out the upcoming engineering priorities for the settlement. She intended to have a lot to say at the next senior staff meeting.

Besides, today was a good day to throw herself into her work.  

She shifted the pile of PADDs around, looking for the one with the schematics for the artificial gravity systems on Voyager, and knocked some to the ground.  She cursed herself. Why couldn’t she ever keep her workspace tidy like Tom Paris did? Then she cursed herself again for allowing him to take over her thoughts.  As she reached for the PADD under her desk, something caught her eye, resulting in more cursing.

It was the music database from Voyager, and the speaker torn from the ceiling of Main Engineering and jerry-rigged to work without its thermium components.  The gift for Tom she had worked on while he was away. She had completely forgotten about it, and here it was. 

She hesitated, wondering if perhaps she should just give it to Neelix instead so he could use it in the Mess Hall, but knew she would never be satisfied with that solution.

Well shit.  A goodbye present then.

She dropped the PADDs back onto her desk, and gathered up the database and speaker in one arm.  She headed back to Bunkhouse C, before remembering that hours had passed and he was probably already moved into D, but she wasn’t sure where.  She corrected course, heading for D, and was pleased to find the assignments for private quarters were displayed on a PADD affixed to the door, probably to help smooth the move-in process.  

Bunkhouse D felt very different from C, with it’s two long hallways, and rows of doors all alike.  Clerestory windows in the ceiling brought a great deal of natural light into the hallways, but it still seemed slightly sterile.  The doors to the shared bathrooms and showers were closed, but B’Elanna knew from supervising the work that they were almost completely the same as the ones in C, just slightly smaller due to accommodating fewer inhabitants.  

She found the door assigned to Tom and knocked, wondering if perhaps she had already missed him and he had moved on with his day.  Should she just leave this here with no note? But the door swung open, and Tom stood there smiling at her.

“Miss me already?”

“Very funny,” she retorted.  “I actually have something for you.”

“Oh a housewarming gift,” he said.

She rolled her eyes again.

“No, it’s the music database from Voyager, and a speaker I pulled from Main Engineering…”

“Are you serious,” he was gaping now, reaching for the objects in her arms.  

“I know you miss music,” she explained, as she handed it over.  “I pulled some of the components when I was on Voyager while you were gone.  I had to rewire it a bit, and I know the sound quality isn’t the best, but it works.  If I get a chance I can reconfigure the vibrational processors. But the important part is the database.  Every piece of music on Voyager is on this memory stick, so don’t lose it. See, the components plug in right here…”  She started to show him, but was interrupted as he embraced her, the database squeezed between their bodies. She was so surprised by this reaction, she barely began to process it before he let go. 

“B’Elanna, this is amazing!  I love it! I can’t believe you made this while I was gone!”

“It was nothing, Tom; I know how important music is to you,” she said, but she was deeply gratified by his response. 

“Does it have… oh yes, it does!” he was eagerly scrolling through the display screen on the memory stick.  

“Okay, don’t go crazy with that thing…” she said, stepping back and preparing to depart.  

“Seriously, B’Elanna,” he looked up from the screen and into her eyes, “This is amazing.  You’re amazing. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing,” she repeated.  “I better get back to work.” With that, she retreated down the hall, back to the Work House to bury herself in a pile of PADDs.

 

***

 

B’Elanna lay awake that night in her bunk, her mind still working through endless engineering calculations and weighing priorities.  It had been a long day, and there would be many more like that. But at random moments she caught a glimpse in her memory of Tom’s reaction to her gift.  It brought her… a sense of peace? Fulfillment? She wasn’t quite sure what to call it. 

She rolled over, saw the empty bunk across from her.  The last time this bunk was empty, Tom had been declared dead in her mind.  She had stolen his blanket, curled up with it at night.

Images floated through her eyes of her and Tom laughing, embracing.  The image of her curled up against Tom, with his strong arms around her.  Him, telling her she was fascinating. Him, helping her walk across the square to the bunkhouse.  Her, catching his eyes across the Mess Hall. Her, laughing at one of his stupid jokes while they sat by the river.  Him, pulling her close. Her, not pushing him away. 

What were the words that he had used to describe Chakotay and the Captain?  A collision course? Did that describe what was happening? To her and Tom?

This was the most fucked up collision course she had ever been on.  

And she wished she could sleep.


	23. DAY EIGHTY-ONE

Seth Baytart and Megan Delaney’s wedding was beautiful.  The Captain married them down at the swimming area by the river, and announced directly after the ceremony that their wedding gift was to bypass the lottery process and be assigned one of the first private apartments in Bunkhouse E.  There was much laughter and hooting and raucous joking.

Night had fallen, and the party was in full swing.  Lieutenant Thorson had contributed a hearty, but responsible, amount of beer.  B’Elanna sat at a table with several of her engineering staff, sipping what she promised herself would be her one and only glass tonight.  Making do without replicator rations, most of the crew was dressed in a patchwork of civilian clothes dug out from their personal belongings.  B’Elanna was wearing an emerald green dress from her earliest Maquis days, the one that showed off her arms, and she had been absentmindedly fingering the lace detail work on the hem all night.  

Tom was in the corner, rigging up the music system.  He was using her gift to provide the the evening’s playlist, and B’Elanna knew many of the crew were excited about it.  She was pleased to have been a background contributor to the occasion, although wished she had had a chance to improve the sound quality.  

The lights on the square twinkled beautifully.  Megan looked gorgeous and happy, and Seth looked like he had won the lottery.  Their happiness was infectious, the mood light.

The music started up, a romantic song which the bride and groom danced to together.  The selection quickly changed to something else, something faster. B’Elanna floated in and out of the conversation on her table, emptied her beer.  Reminded herself of her promise to stick to one. She kept seeing Tom’s head popping in and out of the crowd as he adjusted his playlist, checking in with the bride and groom.  The party atmosphere continued as the music became more and more upbeat. B’Elanna watched Janeway and Chakotay at the table across the dance floor from her. Was it just her imagination, or were they sitting much closer to each other than a first officer and captain should?  Had they decided to make their relationship public?

The music changed, something romantic and slow.  Several couples got up and began dancing. Wait, since when was Thorson dancing with Yecenia?  Didn’t she hate him? B’Elanna shook her head; she would never understand people.

A hand appeared in front of her.  She looked up. Tom Paris.

Confused, she instinctively reached out for him, and he pulled her up and out on the dance floor.  Her heart started beating, harder and faster. He pulled her body close to his, grasping her tightly around the waist, and leading her around the dance floor. 

“Tom, what are you doing?” she asked.  

“I’m… dancing in the dark… with you between my arms,” he whispered along to the music.  She raised her eyebrows at him, considered escape routes.

“I’m dancing with someone I missed a lot while I was floating through space, lost in a shuttlecraft with Harry,” he whispered in her ear.  “Am I allowed to do that?” 

She nodded, so confused.  His body felt so good against hers, his hands wrapped around her waist.  She looked around, seeing the eyes of the rest of the crew staring at her. She caught Harry’s eye, saw him smiling happily at her, and Kes beside Harry, looking typically smug.  She turned her head and was surprised to see Janeway and Chakotay rising from their table, and coming out together to the dance floor.

“B’Elanna, can you relax? Can I please dance with you without you having to put your shields up?”

She started to pull away from him, her discomfort with the situation morphing into anger.

“Sorry,” he said, quickly.  “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.  But I also know you would never allow yourself to just let this happen without a fight.  Can you let this happen? Please?”

She exhaled quickly, found that her mind was not able to keep up with what was happening.  Unable to formulate a reasonable argument, she allowed her body to relax into his arms.

“I’ve been waiting for this,” he whispered into her ear.

She tensed again.  He was right, she did like to keep her shields up.

“Waiting for what?” she asked, not sure if she was ready for the answer, but her engineer’s brain needed more information.  There were too many variables at play right now. 

“To show you how I feel about you,” he said.  “But I know how you feel about… well, about letting people in, letting me in.”

She didn’t know what to say, pretended she hadn’t heard him.  They continued dancing, and the song began to wind down.

“B’Elanna,” he whispered to her again.  “I really missed you when I was away. And when I wasn’t sure if we would make it back, the only thing I really cared about was getting back to you.”

She still didn’t know what to say, and remained silent.  

The song ended, and something peppy came on again.  Some people floated away from the dance floor while others exuberantly stepped in.  B’Elanna wasn’t sure what to do. Thorson came over and said something in Tom’s ear.    

“Don’t go anywhere!” Tom said to her, looking serious as he walked away, “I’ll be right back!”

She began to wander back toward her table, but decided against it when she saw the questioning stares, and Harry’s eager eyes.  Without thinking it through, she headed into the darkness behind the bunkhouses and up the hill. She needed to get away, to think.  She needed quiet and calm. She was utterly confused. 

B’Elanna ended up sitting on that hill in the grass for hours, alternately watching the party below and looking at the stars.  She thought about her parents, both distanced from her when she had been in the Alpha Quadrant, and now distanced from her forever.  Her childhood, on Kessik IV, far from perfect. Her time at the Academy, also far from perfect. The Maquis, where she finally felt she had found a true friend in Chakotay, had finally found a family of sorts.  And then the last few years on Voyager, with so many surprises. Being made chief engineer, earning the respect of her staff. Finding a friend in Harry Kim, and then another friend in Tom Paris. Being a valued member of a team.  Doing important work. Heading back to the Alpha Quadrant. 

And now… on this planet.  This still-nameless planet…

She wasn’t sure what the next step was.

The party had wrapped up long ago, the lights dimmed, the music long since gone.  She could hear a few voices here and there, perhaps what passed for an after party in this particular situation.  Across from her she could see the purple glimmers of the little out-of-phase animals, as they began their nightly movements to and fro.  

She stood, legs aching from sitting for so long, and headed back down to Bunkhouse C.  She crept in, surprised at how quiet it was, slightly emptier than before, and found her way to her bunk.  Tom’s bunk was still there, across from her. Still his, as far as she was concerned, even though it was as sterile and plain as any other bunk.  She lay down, closed her eyes, thought about how she always felt so drawn to his bed, to lay there beside him in the quiet and feel his body right up against hers.

She stood up, and left the bunkhouse, headed back across the square.  She could not remember her heart ever pounding this hard before. 

A few moments later, she knocked on Tom’s door.  He pushed it open, looking surprised to see her. He was still wearing his clothes from the wedding, but the lights were off in his room.  Had he been sleeping?

“I missed you too, Tom,” she whispered, and she kissed him, hard. She inhaled his scent, pressing her body against his, in the way she had been wanting to.

His hands met her hips and pulled her into him, into his room. 

Hungry for each other, they made their way to his bed.  She shoved him down, unwilling to lift her body away from his for even a second.  She held his arms against the dark grey regulation bedsheet, and she laid firmly on top of him, nibbling at his jawline, pausing only long enough to pull his shirt over his head.  She so enjoyed the feeling of his red-gold beard against her cheeks and lips. Running his hands up and down the length of her body he finally caught the end of her dress, and gently pulled it over her head, revealing the underwear he had seen so many times in Bunkhouse C.

“B’Elanna, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

She pulled her bra off herself, and his hands moved to cup and caress them, pausing to discover the scar still on her torso, beside her right breast.

She lay on top of him enjoying the feeling of their bodies so close, both of them breathing deeply, finally fulfilling the anticipation that had been building for months.  She felt his erection, so hard and big and ready for her, between her legs, and she ached to have him inside of her. Instead, he slipped his hand down into her underwear, running a finger through her wet lips, over and over.  His finger was not what she wanted down there, and the sensation drove her crazy.

His other hand ran up and down her back, over her breasts and hips, all over her body.  She heard herself growling with pleasure as he cupped her breasts with his free hand, suckling them in turn.  She was getting desperate with lust, and moved to pull off her underwear, but he removed his hand, and pushed her underwear off herself, removing his own somehow in nearly the same movement.  

“Tom…” she couldn’t help saying his name.  Now the lips of her cleft moved on top of his erection, skin on skin, nothing between them.  He kissed her neck and chest.

“Tom… I need you…”

He grinned at her, then all at once rolled over so he was on top of her.  Now her hands ran all over his chest, the muscles of his upper arm, his red gold chest hair.  He kissed her breasts again, running his tongue along her nipples. She couldn’t remember ever being so aroused.  Suddenly she felt as he penetrated her with his cock, sliding deep into her. She writhed beneath him, the pleasure of feeling him fill up her body was unbelievable.  With great surprise, she felt her orgasm overtake her, a flood of pleasure running up and down her body. She gasped his name again, pulling his head closer to hers. He paused, remaining still inside her, kissing her deeply all over her face and neck and chest.  He rubbed his beard against her face, and she moaned. 

After a few moments, he started thrusting again, this time more insistently.  This time like fucking. Just how she wanted it. She was so wet. She put her hands on his hips, helping him as he thrusted into her, pulling him in deeper and harder. 

“Tom,” she whispered in his ear.  “Come inside me.” He groaned, her order having pushed him over the edge, and as he came, she felt herself coming again.  Hands on his back, she pulled herself up against him as this orgasm came even more intensely than the last one.

They paused then, Tom still on top of her, both breathing heavily, both enjoying the scent of the other.  Tom kissed her gently, pushed her hair back from her head.

“B’Elanna…that was… amazing.  You are so beautiful.”

He rolled off of her, spent.  B’Elanna’s mind started to clear from the haze of lust.  Tom pulled the blanket over both of their naked bodies, moved the pillow, and settled in right next to her, putting his arm around her.  She turned, letting him curl his torso around her back. His arms felt perfect on top of her. He buried his head in her hair, breathing in her smell, and then sighed, contentedly.  

“That was even better than I was picturing,” he said.

“ _ Better  _ than you were  _ picturing _ ?”

“B’Elanna, we’ve been sleeping three meters apart for the past three months, and you’re the most interesting, attractive woman I’ve ever met.  Of course I’ve been picturing this. Hell, I started picturing this before we even ended up on this planet.”

She was silent, thinking.  

“But that night of that party… when I was drunk.  You could have… we could have....”

“B’Elanna, you were drunk.  I know you think I’m a pig, but I would never take advantage of  _ anyone _ in a situation like that, especially not someone I really care about.  No matter how incredibly badly I want to.” His hands were still running all over her body as he spoke.  “And I wanted to, I really did. I just wasn’t sure you actually wanted it.” 

“Hmm,” she said, more to herself than him.  He was holding her so close, his body keeping hers warm.  The nights had been so cold lately, and this was the first time in weeks she had felt warm enough in bed.  She felt so safe and content. They lay there in silence for many minutes. 

“Tom?”

“Hmmm?”

“This is the part I was picturing,” she said.

“Mmmm…”

He had stopped talking, and she felt his breath changing, growing more slow and even.  He was definitely asleep. How many nights had she watched him from her bunk? And here she was, in his arms, finally.  She didn’t feel her own breath begin to change, starting to synchronize with his, and was not aware when she drifted off to sleep beside him.


	24. DAY EIGHTY-TWO

Having been picturing this very situation for months now, B’Elanna was not at all surprised to wake up in Tom’s arms, exactly where she had fallen asleep the previous night.  He was awake already, laying beside her.

She turned so she could see his face.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.”

He started kissing her then again, starting on her face and moving down to her neck.

“Tom?” she said, urgently.

“What?” he raised his eyes to meet hers.

“What happens now?” she asked. 

“Well,” he said.  “What do you want to happen now?”

She shook her head.  She had no answer.

“Do you want to do what we did last night, again?” he asked.

She nodded.  Yes, very much.  

“And do you want to go for a hike with me again? So we can find that waterfall?”

She nodded again. Yes.

“And maybe for a swim?”

“Yes.”

“And for another shuttlecraft flight, maybe further this time, after you get the  _ Phoenix  _ functional again?”

“Yes, sure.”

“And maybe do you want to have dinner with me most nights?  When we’re done with our work for the day?”

“Yes.”

“And maybe breakfast most mornings?”

“Yes.”

“And sit next to me at senior officer meetings?”

“Yes, I guess.”

“And maybe,” he paused, kissing her again, getting distracted.  “Maybe someday share a home with me, and kids…”

“Whoa, okay, slow down, Lieutenant,” she almost punched him in her urgency to get him to shut up.  

“Okay, okay,” he said.  “Not that last one, for now.  But the other stuff.”

“The rest of it sounds wonderful.”

“Good, then let’s do all of that,” he said, pulling himself on top of her, kissing her breasts.  He was definitely hard again. She pulled herself closer to him, eager for all that came next.


	25. DAY ONE-HUNDRED-TWENTY

B’Elanna stood on the hill above the settlement, shivering in the cool afternoon air.  The new robotic cultivators were working well, but having built them from scratch herself she couldn’t help checking on the new little farming robots multiple times a day.  The robots were harvesting a root, which she hoped would become more appetizing on the plate than it did coming out of the ground. Chakotay was anxious to get the harvest done before winter, or whatever passed for winter around here, set in.  

There was much debate within the community about the seasons.  Was this winter? Or just early fall? If winter was going to be extreme then they were in trouble.  But the engineering staff had been working hard to make cold weather accomodations in the encampment.  Despite her own thin blood and distaste for the cold, B’Elanna was certain they would all stay warm enough.  And only a few weeks ago the deer-like creatures that Tom and B’Elanna had spotted so many months ago had returned to the area.  Apparently this little nook by the river was their winter territory. Large amounts of meat had already been treated and stored, and there would be much more.  Everyone would be warm and well-fed.

B’Elanna’s eyes moved up to the hulk of Voyager, still standing sentry a kilometer away from the settlement.  The ship had become, at least metaphorically, a skeleton of herself. So many of her components stripped away, and either rebuilt for the same purpose or reconfigured to fill another need within the settlement.  Voyager was serving them well, her parts were her final gift. The path between Voyager and the settlement had been worn down steadily by so many feet coming and going, retrieving personal items or scavenging the last of the hypospanners or a needed conduit line.  B’Elanna reflected that that path would likely grow back next year; the rate of scavenging had dropped, as their settlement had become more complete.

The sun was setting behind her, and she was just about to turn to check its progress when a pair of arms came up around her waist, and she smelled him before she felt his beard against her cheek.

“Hey,” Tom said, in greeting.

“Hey yourself,” she responded, turning within his arms to greet him properly.  He kissed her.

“I didn’t see you sneak up the hill,” she said.  “I didn’t even know you were back.” He and Harry had been intensively scanning and mapping the planet for weeks now, dropping away teams here and there, returning to pick them up.  Tom Paris was a happy man these days. He was flying. He was exploring. And he was sharing her bed every night. 

“We got back an hour ago,” he said.  “And I took the long way around the swimming hole.  I figured you would be up here checking on your babies.”

“They’re doing well,” she said.  “Chakotay and I were estimating just how much more we can cultivate next year with them.  Between this and the increased productivity of the replicators, we may never have to eat another emergency ration again.”

“And  _ that  _ might be the most important innovation yet,” Tom said.  “Speaking of, join me for dinner?”

“Of course,” she smiled at him.  

“And since your cultivators are finally up and running I was thinking during dinner we could talk cars...”

“You mean talk about the car you want me to build for you,” she raised her eyebrows.  

“No, the car I want us to build  _ together _ ,” he corrected her.  

She punched him in the shoulder, lightly.

“I haven’t forgotten,” she said, smiling.  “Actually, I did a little research on it yesterday…”

“I knew there was a reason I love you,” Tom said. 

They started down the trail together, back to the settlement, arms around each other’s waists, B’Elanna leaning her head on Tom’s shoulders, while he began expounding about the day of exploration that he and Harry had had in the shuttlecraft, pausing the narrative only to provide greater detail about his masterful piloting.  B’Elanna rolled her eyes, relaxed into him. He always was good with a story. 


	26. DAY NINE-HUNDRED-SIX, EPILOGUE

B’Elanna sat at her desk, now located in an annex off of the Community Room (formerly the Mess Hall).  She could hear the early dinner crew coming in down the corridor, and knew she had limited time before Tom came around the corner, insisting she eat something.  His ongoing concern about her eating habits (and several of her other habits) continued to irritate her to no end. As always, her feelings toward Tom continued to be a mixture of respect, love, delight, and annoyance, mostly in equal parts.  Mostly. 

She focused on the item in her hand, the Doctor’s holoemitter.  She and Harry had worked on it off and on for years now, with limited luck.  A month ago she had decided to focus all her time on the project, had taken a leap of faith and taken apart the entire holoemitter, and rebuilt it from scratch with replicated parts, preserving only the programming.  It had been an intense project, the 29th century technology stretching the limits of her comprehension.

“Did you try restarting it?” Tom liked to ask.

But she was close now.  Just a few more adjustments, and it needed to be quick if she was going to get it done tonight.  She focused on her work so closely she almost forgot to breathe. Her shoulders were tight from being hunched over all day, and her back ached.  

Finally, she stood up, and, holding the emitter away from her body, she pressed the activation button.

The Doctor materialized in front of her.  

“Please state the nature of the…”

“Doctor!  Welcome back!” she almost yelled.  She had done it! Finally!

“Lieutenant Torres!  What is this place? Where am I?”  He looked her up and down, horrified and confused. “What happened to you?”

She put her hand to her belly, swollen with Tom’s child, and laughed.

“Sorry, Doctor,” she said.  “There’s a lot we need to tell you!”


End file.
